State of Mind #1: Needing to be Needed

Today I feel yucky.

It's not an all-out cold but could become one if I am not careful. I called the various places where I was expected to be today and told them I wouldn't be there.

I hate doing that.

I have always wanted to wait until the last minute. "Maybe I'll feel better," I say. "Maybe I'm not sick." Am I just denying the fact that I don't feel well?

Sometimes I think that if I admit I need time for me, that I will begin only giving time to me. That I will become selfish and horde my strength away from others. That suddenly I will be transformed into a person who is irresponsible.

It takes all of my powers to remember that this is ALWAYS how I feel when I am ill. And that no one ever needs me so badly that they can't stand my taking a nap instead. (Doing so is the only way I can hope to make myself well for tomorrow.)

What sort of people are like this? Obsessive people for sure. People who want to feel that their work is so important that the earth would stop turning on its axis without us.

But it won't.

And yet I know that when I am feeling better and do go back to doing the things I said I would do, those things will be important to me and to the world that receives it.

It's ok to wait.