Lines and Circles

Sometimes time moves as in a line... beginning to end, with a list of destinations along the way. You check off your accomplishments as you go.

Sometimes it moves in a circle. You do the same routine again and again... get up in the morning, do dishes, eat etc.

I tend to favor the line. It feels more productive. I get to start new things. I'm always moving onto something new and exciting both in my personal life and at work.

But then I tend to forget to do things like schedule in time to eat. Yes, I eat, but I don't schedule it. And I don't clean up after myself. And in school, routines I set for the kids fall by the wayside as I introduce new and exciting projects.

One of my major goals both this summer and next school year is to live more in the circle.

Boston

Had a short but fun trip to Boston, appropriately during the 4th of July Weekend. We stayed with good friends in Waltham, MA and had a little time on Friday for sight-seeing.

What I really wanted to do was the Boston Duck Tours in an amphibious vehicle. Between poor planning and bad timing, it didn't work out, but I don't mind too much. I also really wanted to walk on the Freedom Trail. We did manage to do quite a bit of that on Friday, although not all of it. I was hoping to visit Paul Revere's house and that there was a lot I didn't know about a lot of the sites until afterwards. (We just read the signs. We didn't take a formal tour.) But it was really cool nonetheless and I'm hoping to come back again another time.

Some of the cool things on the Freedom Trail included seeing some famous graves, including that of Mother Goose! I also liked the Old State House which overlooked the site of the Boston Massacre.


On Sunday we managed to go on the Swan Boats and walked back on a long stretch that included statues of many famous people. I was happy to get some photos of the ONE monument I found the whole trip about women.

I would have liked to do more, but it all felt quite good. Can't do it all in just a weekend, especially with a 4 hour drive each way.

Full-Time Mommy

It's with a sense of combined excitement and humility that I begin my summer as a full-time mom.

Yesterday was ND's last day of day care for the summer. I spent the day doing many things including finishing cleaning the living side (not the laundry side) of our basement, going for a bike ride by myself, dealing with some paperwork, etc.

The key, I think, to making this work for me, is going to be staying active. Today we've had a busy day already. As I write this, ND is napping.

Here she is this morning before we got into our day. She slept in this shirt that U. brought her from Sweden. (That's another story.)

This morning we went so a megillah Shiur (a class) taught by the parent of a child I used to teach. She's been inviting me for some time to come, and this was the first time I could. It was fabulous and ND was relatively cooperative during it. I'll need to bring different toys next time as she colored on the hardwood floor with he crayons.

We then met U. for lunch. And afterwards went to the Tenafly Nature Center for a Little Naturalists class where we learned about dragonflies.

In a few minutes we're off to the chiropractor, and tonight I'm going to a one-time dance class. She's already upset that I might be going somewhere without her tonight, but I think we'll just have to make it happen. She's been very clingy lately, but when I leave her with U. she gets over my absence quickly.

Tomorrow, though, nothing planned yet. Probably a trip to the lake with some friends. But I'm not sure.

I've got a lot to think about to make sure this works... I need to feel my time is being used meaningfully and I have to be willing to slow myself down. I need to be present with her and not try to do too many things that are tricky to do when she's around. It will be a dance, this living side by side through every minute.

I always thought I'd be a stay-at-home mom, but I'm not. I'm a busy person who does best under pressure and wishing to slow down, rather than slowed down and wishing to be busy.

But again, so far, we're having fun.

Jenkinson's Beach

My brother and niece happened to arrive the day after my last work day at school. We went to the beach. ND did a fishing game on the Boardwalk where she won a big stuffed Clownfish.

5 Pipes

There's a place near here called the Teaneck Creek Conservancy. ND and I went for a walk there recently. They're doing a community art project called the 5 Pipes. We're going to get to go help paint whenever we want.

33

32 was an awfully good age for me. As I noted once in an earlier post it was an age I really looked forward to help me define myself as an adult.

I had a great year with my family, with our house, with my work, with my free time. I did a lot.

Wondering where things will go from here. I think I'd like to learn to relax a bit.

Ginat Kesher

I helped plant a garden yesterday. And I'm going to be doing the blog for it too.

Success

We did it.

Or I did it.

Depends on your perspective.

We (my assistant and I) just finished off a tremendously productive school year.

I just finished the best teaching year of my life.

I taught two classes full-time while still making time for my daughter at home.

I did the academics better than ever before, with clear goals and successes.

And still I maintained the more important thing, the thing that I've been able to do all along, which was to connect with the kids. And I think (hope) I did even that better than ever before.

Today was great. It was quick and fun and everyone was happy with the treats I brought with no one complaining they wanted something else.

But it was actually a little hard too. A few of the kids were quite emotional about leaving us. For some it was just the fact of a transition, but for others, it really does matter that they're leaving us. They made huge strides with us and needed our love to do it.

I found myself crying a little... no surprise as I'm sentimental. But then, when a particular group of my kids came to give me a hug, it become much stronger than that.

Later when I came home, I was cooking for Shabbat and suddenly was truly overcome. It's hard, to put so much effort and heart into something... into someone... into several someones... and then have them go on their way, out of your reach probably forever.

I'm very proud of them and of me.

Good bye

There are many ways in which I can sort my friends, but one way is in the categories of "Those who are here and available to me" and "those who are far away."

This afternoon we went to a going away party for some friends making aliyah. I feel like I'm moving them like a game piece from one category to the other. By the end of the summer that will be two of ND's friends who have moved away, and several of mine too, of course.

Summer is Almost Here

It's so close.

I have one week left of teaching, and another week of closing up shop. (Only two of those days are required. The others are days I'm taking to prepare for next year while ND is still in daycare.)

Already I'm feeling like I can relax a little, although I'm not terribly good at it.

I spend most of my life either working really hard or thinking I should be doing something different than I am. If I get up early, I even wonder if I should sleep in a little the way I imagine my peers doing. If I relax, I think I'm missing out on valuable work time.

One of my biggest goals this summer is just to trust myself more.

I did a little work in the yard today. I had to remind myself that I really haven't done any in ages, and barely even felt compelled to as I was in the midst of the school year. Now that I was doing it, I felt on one hand that I was finally glad to be helping out with it, but again, wondering if I should be doing something else instead.

Who do I think is checking up on me? Is this about living more in the present moment, or about being less judgmental towards myself? Or about fear of loss of opportunity?

Or all?