Jewish Identity #1: Fictional Characters and Their Creators

Happy Thanksgiving.

Last night I returned to the Jewish Book Festival at the JCC and heard a writer read selections from his short fiction and poetry. I don't have his name in front of me and would not wish to embarass him anyway by writing about him.

It was a small turn-out and I remember feeling a little uncomfortable, not only that I appeared to be the only openly observant Jew in the room (of course, you can never just tell by a look at faces). I'm especially nervous and, frankly, judgmental when I'm about to hear a JEWISH author at a JEWISH book festival in a JEWISH community center, and he's not even wearing a kippah. I don't mean that I wanted him to don one of those flimsy pop-up cones that you see on being who don't wear them very often. I only mean that I want to hear more gritty and true fiction from Jews who ARE observant. (I need models to follow for my own work.) What really sort of annoyed me was a brief series of comments that were made, sort of off-the-cuff, which I didn't take too seriously but that I need to mention nonetheless:

It was a small turn-out and they were trying to decide whether to start or to wait a few more minutes. The speaker quickly counted through the room (you're not supposed to count Jews!!!) and said, "Well, we have a minyan." Then he and the program organizer began to banter back and forth whether or not they were counting women for this minyan. It was all just good-natured chatter, but it made me feel awkward as a Jewish feminist who still prefers for deep and trying reasons to go to a shul in which women are not counted in a minyan. (A halakhic women's only prayer service would be my ideal, but as long as we're in a community setting with women and men, there are good reasons to follow the halakha of men-only minyan, not the least of which is that it IS the halakha. I have come to terms with it partly from observing poor attendance from men in egalitarian minyanim.) I just felt like I didn't fit into the room because of this conversation. Frankly, I was a teeny bit offended.

Anyway, I haven't even gotten to the point yet... The reading was fine. There were two fiction pieces. The first was in the voice of a 53 year old woman, a professor in comparative literature. The second piece was in the voice of a 23 year old man on trial for killing a neo-Nazi. What intrigued me was that immediately after the second piece, the author made a disclaimer. The young man in the story has a protestant mother. So the author said that sometimes people get confused when they hear his stories read in first-person because they think they represent the author himself. Now, he was not concerned about our thinking he was a 52-year old female professor of comparative literature, nor was he concerned about whether or not we thought he had ever killed anyone. But he wanted to make sure we knew that both of his parents are Jewish.

This concern WAS absolutely essential. Because his identity would not be compromised by our disagreeing with his words or principles or even actions. It would be compromised by any proof that he is not a Jew.

Why is this identity so important even to those who don't live by the Torah? (And I'm not saying that he doesn't.) It's a flag towards something deep and profound that can't really be said, and it doesn't invalidate the love we have for friends who are NOT Jewish.

Lastly, on the subject of his fictional characters being misunderstood to be him.... I was amused. I'm struggling with a fiction piece myself right now that is told from the point of view of a woman who became baal teshuvah in her teenage years. She is not me. She is close sometimes. But she is not me. And both of the friends I have shown the piece too have asked how close to me it is, and I had to assure them that I do not think I am as judgmental of those outside the tradition as she is. Nor am I as accepting of the tradition. Parts of her express one side of me, but so close to home, that I've decided to rewrite the piece in third person. Because WHO I AM and HOW I THINK and WHAT I BELIEVE could be misunderstood and I would then have to undo damage of being seen as this other character who is not me.

And the last last last note on this is that lately I HAVE found myself getting judgemental of people around me. It's a safety mechanism to keep people at arm's length rather than get to know them. But the truth is, I don't know WHO these people are. I don't know their souls yet. And I have no right to discredit them without knowing them. (Once I know them, I won't even want to discredit them anymore. Individuals always fascinate me too much to do that. At least I hope they do.... If I ever talk to them a little.

I should write more on getting to know people before discrediting them. That's one of the fundamental problems in all sectors of the Jewish world right now.