Many thoughts about the world, meditation, parenting, Judaism, pregnancy, teaching, cancer survivorship, moving from West Coast to East and more.

Monday, May 28, 2007

Goodbyes


In a way I feel I have nothing of consequence to say here today, but I really don't want too much time to go by without an entry.

In any case, you'd think I have a ton to say because I've been so busy. After all, my parents were here for all of Shavuot and stayed through yesterday. We went to the Bergen County zoo that I've mentioned before and just don't have time to link to right now, as well as going, yesterday, to the American Museum Of National History for our first time. One of the highlights of all that was watching ND discover ice water in a glass.


It was hard, as always, to say goodbye to my parents. I did it while U. was running the car outside the museum garage as my parents prepared to catch a taxi to JFK airport. Meanwhile, ND was crying hysterically in the car. (She did that on the way there too, and there I was sitting in the backseat with her as she stretched her little arms out for me to pick her up and there was nothing I could do...)

In any case, it's always hard to say goodbye with such a distance. But what I've become more aware of recently is just how fearful I am of loss. I worry about losing any part of my family in all sorts of horrible ways. I don't know why I always think so morbidly. The benefit is that I learn to appreciate each moment, but the downside is that each moment feels so weighty. I want to make a change with this. I'm working on accepting each moment in addition to appreciating. It helps me feel more flexible about bobbing along down this metaphorical stream of life, instead of grabbing desparately at each metaphorical rock or blade of grass along the way.

Besides, this weekend my grandparents celebrated their anniversary. How many years? Did my mom say it was 67? That's more than twice the time I've been alive. If they can do that, all kinds of wonderful things are possible.

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