Insight Timer

I’ve been a regular meditator for years. Meditation means taking at least one minute a day to sit mindfully or do yoga or SOMEthing. I know I’ve been doing it a long time because of my app Insight Timer where I log my time. 

In the years I’ve been doing this I’ve for sure had challenging mornings where I didn’t have time and set an alarm to come back to my mat or meditation bench later. I’ve also had very long and fruitful sessions. 45 minute sits. 90 minute yoga sessions.

I’ve been proud of my discipline, proud of my commitment. The log on my Insight Timer helped me stay true to my commitment. 

But about two weeks ago, I goofed. Hectic morning. NDR needed a ride last minute. Busy day. Preoccupied with work and too engrossed in watching the news.

I flat out forgot.

Once I realized, I reflected on the day. Had I done anything that could count? A meditative moment, a few stretches?

I couldn’t think of a single thing. Even my davening time had been distracted. Nothing I could justify as an intentional moment.

And with that, my streak ended. 2918 days. 

That’s right. Almost 8 full uninterrupted years.

I would have thought I’d be devastated. It’s actually strangely freeing. I meditate to help me stabilize myself, but I do other things that help me with that too. I’m actually finding myself a little more mindful of my throughout-the-day moments in a way that is different from before. It won’t stay. Things change and that enables me the room to find myself again.

It paved the way for something else too. I had another streak going with Duolingo. I do like racking up points there and practicing languages. I also love my 462 day streak. 

But let’s keep purpose in mind. In a month I’m flying to Israel to sit and process everything that’s happened and to support my friends who are there. My Hebrew is rusty and Duolingo’s Hebrew program is really poorly written. NDR has been stunned at weird ways things are worded on there and I’m tired of memorizing names of animals. If I mean what I say, that I actually want to brush up my Hebrew, I need to do it with true intention. I considered keeping my Spanish program on but Hebrew is the hardest language for me to integrate and I need to minimize my own confusion.

So I pulled out my old text book and am working my way through intentionally. One step at a time without a digital streak counter.

And I think I believe in myself more now that I can stay true to my goals.