And then it hit ... continued

 On further reflection, that last post doesn't say much that I haven't said elsewhere.

-I get sick

-I have trouble resting

-I feel bad about missing work

The thing I want to add here is that this isn't just any sick. This is the big one, the one that has completely changed the world we live in and has sown division among us. So one of the tricky things has been for me to even believe I have it. Another is that my second-guessing thoughts are about asymptomatic people who say it's no big deal. Then my brain goes to numbers of people who've died. 

I found myself watching this entire series of "Explaining the Pandemic to my Past Self." I don't think I'd have a brain for it most of the time but suddenly it was really important to me to take a step back and see where I'm holding in this hold timeline. 

And then there was this too:

That's all I could handle of thinking about what we're living in now. After that it was time to go read. That's the other thing I want to say here. I've been battling my "should"s all my life. The past week and I have I keep thinking I should go work on report cards, and then I keep discovering I just can't yet. I'm learning to trust myself a little better. It's harder than it sounds, but I have a beginner's mind and can always learn a little more.