The Blog #4: Fame!

At last! In shul this weekend I was approached by someone I only sort of know. He said, "I found your blog." I think he said he got there from the Mishkaneer website which I would link to if I knew how. I still need to learn that. Help please! I was so excited that someone that is not necessarily a close friend is enjoying what I have to say. Once before he heard me read aloud a story in a coffeehouse Melave Malka. When I reached a point I was uncomfortable reading he said, "Don't edit!" He said that again during our conversation about the blog and I want to take it as a new carefully applied mantra. I have to edit carefully when I speak to avoid saying things that could cause harm etc., but the thought of someone wanting to hear what I have to say on this blog gives me a new confidence in my words. Maybe I don't need to hide myself.

I heard on my clock radio as I was waking up on Friday that this weekend there is a big blogger convention in Vancouver. Hearing them discuss blogging on the radio made me ask what I value in another person's blog. The truth is, I don't have much time or patience to read too many others, but lately I've been wishing that certain friends had blogs. I love to hear them think and talk, because they are my friends, and I'd love to know just what is happening in their heads on a given day. I'd like to have discourse with them even when we aren't together. I also am interested in occassionally finding strangers out there that intrigue me. And sometimes I am home, and in-between things, and alone, and I just want to read what someone else is thinking. It doesn't have to be a big and consuming hobby. Just a better link to click on than a game or whatever else I might click on.

One more note about fame. This morning I was trying out a new aerobics class, and the instructor told us that in her store yeesterday (I guess she sells clothing), Sarah McLachlan came shopping. I was so excited to hear it! I was excited to hear about her temperament and how many bags she had with her etc. Why? Why do I care?! I guess because being famous means that people sort of know you, that you don't know at all. So I sort of know her and really like the work she does. So of course I'm excited for that brush of fame, even if it really just means that this woman never has the privacy I so appreciate for myself.

At the same time, there's this idea of people watching you that's appealing. Paul Auster is a favorite author of mine, not that his books are my favorite, but because as an author he fascinates me. He has this obsession that runs through many of his books of "being watched." His characters will sometimes even hire people to spy on themselves, just to feel that sensation that someone knows what they are doing at all times.

Somehow I think this is a spiritual message. I think G-d wants to be known too. Sure, G-d is everything, and doesn't actually need anything from us. But if G-d is known by us, then G-d is more real. It's obvious because in a way G-d can't fully exist without us knowing that G-d is an entity at all. When a person knows G-d, she also is more aware of everything around and therefore exists more fully in G-dself and the world that that G-d has created. Mindfulness it's called. Well, people emulate G-d in this way with this desire to be known. At least I do. I may want my privacy, but I want to be known. I want to be seen for who I am, good and bad, and to be honored for simply being. Everyone deserves that and we should try to treat people with that honor and respect.

Think here of "Speaker for the Dead" by Orson Scott Card. In this book, the speaker for the dead does not eulogize people by saying only their positive points. He tells the story of their lives in entirety. And it is beautiful.

Am I ready to be seen that way? Are any of us? Is it safe for us to be known for who we are? Will others be kind when they know us? Are we kind when we know others?