PSA: Things aren't always what they seem

This morning I woke up to a beautiful rainbow outside my window. Absolutely gorgeous. I took an excellent photograph of it and posted it on Facebook.

I did this even knowing that:

1. This came as a result of massive storm last night that woke me up with a terrifying crash.

2. And I've now learned that rain, while usually a massive blessing in Israel is a nightmare right now for our soldiers.

3. And also, that for some Jews rainbows are a terrible omen, a reminder of the potential for destruction (as in the flood that Noah survived).

I've been posting a number of beautiful and happy pictures on Facebook. And I really am very happy and they are of really very beautiful places,

and also I want to be clear what else I'm doing here.

In reconnecting with each of these dear friends I am gradually continuing to process the horror of what we are all going through. 

I have changed considerably in the past few months. In addition to my world view being shattered, I've begun to learn how to learn. I no longer pretend to understand things that I don't. I ask for clarity even if it means someone saying, "You don't know that?" I frame questions that I never knew how (or had the courage) to ask before. My inside continues to shatter with each new day that goes by without our hostages returned, and my outside becomes more and more armored.

On this trip, you're seeing me post photos, but you're not seeing the hours of conversation I'm having. Not 10 minutes, not half hours, not hour long conversations. I'm talking 3, 4, 5 hour long dialogues. I feel like a battered patch of ground that is being painfully tilled and that new seeds are being cultivated. Every day I cry and water these new seeds. 

We are all so angry, hurt and afraid. I don't know what we're going to look like on the other end of this, but this trip has been about attending to that question with as much presence as I can.