Israel Part 11: Train Ride South

On my Wednesday morning in Israel, Joel dropped me off at the Karmiel train station. I now felt much more equipped to buy my train ticket, locate the platform and order a croissant, at least partially using Hebrew to ask for what I needed. I had ridden to Karmiel in the dark. Now it was daylight. I spent much of that time writing the blogposts you've seen here, but also a lot of time looking out the window at the coastline. 

In the past week since my return I've started, both cautiously and confidently, to open up conversation with a very dear friend of mine. She has been concerned about my saying that that my worldview has changed and she wanted to see if I was still the person she knew. In our snippets of conversation (somehow fit in between laundry, school, parenting etc.) I've begun to find the words that have evaded me for these past 121 days.

When discussing the Israel-Palestine conflict I have been told many times throughout the years that the Palestinians wanted nothing more than to push us into the sea. This doesn't mean they wanted Jews to go away. It means they wanted us dead. 

I pushed back against this argument for the following reasons.  

- I thought it was paranoid.

- I thought it was racist.

- I thought it was deligitimizing.

- I thought it ignored very serious concerns about Palestinian rights and negated history that we should attend to. 

Perhaps I was right about all of those things. 

Nevertheless, it is now quite clear to me that a sizable number of people want exactly that. This has become clear to me when I look at:

- October 7th itself.

- The clear amount of time and resources invested into October 7th. (Please look at this excellent article about the tunnels by Bret Stephens.)  

- Now going back and learning the history of how often Palestinian leadership has rejected negotiations that call for anything less than Israel and it's people disappearing. 

- And most symbolically, this phrase, "from the river to the sea."

I have always been prone towards giving the benefit of a doubt. So I'm willing to consider that a rather large number of people (Americans in particular) have no idea what that phrase actually means or the symbolic associations that go with it. Nevertheless, we live in a culture in which we have very responsibly learned how dangerous language can be. If a group of people can learn what words not to call minority groups, can learn to be sensitive to triggers and to be eager to stand up for "the other," they have a responsibility to learn what these words mean to everyone involved. If they don't, it is quite reasonable for me to conclude that this same group of people will support everyone but Jews. 

Here are just two of the things that make this issue so frustrating. 

- It appears that people must support one "side" above the other. In standing up for Palestinians it appears people have to stand up against Israelis. (This is a falsehood. Standing up against Hamas alone can stand up for both.)

- This is absolutely classic anti-Semitism. Jews are loathed because of the fear that they have power and that all others do NOT have power. In reality -- please, let's look at reality -- it is so so so much more complicated than this.

So back to the question of how I have changed.

I now believe in the existence of others' hatred towards me and my people. I now know it's not just from white supremacists. I know it's not just from powerless and uneducated. I now know that there is an enormous network of very powerful people who are fueled and who build their infrastructure on the foundation of hatred towards Jews. I know that many very well-meaning people have been suckered into this in the guise of supporting the oppressed. I know that some of those people used to be my friends. 

And yet...

I am still willing to talk about what policies were in place in Israel prior to October 7th that created an oppressive climate for Palestinian people. I want to address them one at a time and parcel out what they were, how they were created and talk about their history and alternatives. I'm open to hearing people's stories and about their family's suffering. I'm even open to discussing what is happening right now -- what choices the Israeli government is making that I support and which I question. Eventually I might feel equipped to talk about the future for Israel and Palestine. 

However, I also need to know that this is a two-way conversation. I need to know that the Jewish narrative matters and that Israel and Jews aren't demonized. For the past 121 days I've very much doubted whether this was possible. I've doubted others' intentions and willingness to listen. I've doubted my own ability to express my truth. 

I believe in time and the shifts that happen within it. For weeks I had no words at all. Now, as you can see, I'm writing up a storm. My favorite exercise used to be Zumba. Now it's kickboxing. I'm going to follow my impulses, punching and kicking the bag as I try to heal. When a friend -- a friend who has earned my trust -- asks to speak, I'm beginning to be able to take off my gloves and sit.