Pesach 5769

This was a fabulous Pesach that ended just last night, but already I'm racing to get ready for Shabbat.

These whole two weeks were a big meditation as I referred to in my last post. I've been thinking constantly about time and how we approach each moment. For example, here I was with 2 full weeks off from work, but I spent the first few days laboring harder than ever to prepare for an 8 day holiday. Really... for those of you who may have never witnessed Passover preparations, I had to actively force myself to put aside time to eat. And those of you who know how much I valued my sleep... well, I didn't get my 8 hours every night.

In any case, all along I really valued it and didn't feel the need to complain. I remember once explaining to a Christian religious studies professor at Oberlin from whom I was learning about Utopian Societies. He was an expert in monasticism. I told him my paper would be late because I had so much to do in preparation for Pesach. I described to him the cleaning and contact papering that was going on in my dining co-op. I said, "There's no way I'm getting any work done." He stared at me almost jealously and said "but it's a different kind of work you're doing."

I try to take that to heart every year. I passionately love this holiday because of the preparation. I just feel so much like I've earned a full experience and not just another series of days in shul or at a table eating.

And I was careful about how I spent that tedious time. I put aside time too for Torah, actually preparing content to discuss at the seder. We went out the first night, which was great. But on the second night we led our second seder ever and it was fabulous. Two of the people there were so eager to discuss the Haggadah. And those that weren't so eager to discuss, listened patiently. (Meanwhile ND played with their three year old until 2 AM! And they both participated in the seder when they could.)

No one had far to go after the seder, which was nice. Two stayed the night and all the rest either lived or were staying next door.

But that aside... the work paid off.

So here I am... today was my last weekday of vacation. There is so much I wanted to complete, and of course, I couldn't do it all. I also wanted to have fun time and social time, but it didn't all happen.

I'm still trying to just be happy in every moment whether or not it's what I planned. Echart Tolle, author of The Power Of Now takes an entire book to explain the act of knowing that all that exists is now. The future and past no longer or do not yet exist. I still need to process a lot of what he says. The past and future matter a lot and I need to learn now where to sort of "place" them in my life. And something Torah says will have to come before something Tolle says, obviously. But I'm exploring it.

Either way... I keep wanting to complete things and have them stay completed. One of those things is housework. Everything else is just like housework. So while I have so much more to say, Shabbat is on me NOW and I need to stop and accept the moment.

Leaving things undone.