Pirkei Avot

I spoke to my grandmother yesterday who remarked that I haven't been writing much in my blog. Wouldn't it be great if I could commit to writing once a day, even for the next week? I know it's not realistic, but I can dream.

About ND: Today she went on a big kid swing for the first time. When she did that I felt like she would marry tomorrow and leave me. She also can go up and down stairs sometimes without holding on to anything now. She recognizes songs she's heard before even if sung by different singers. She loves to play with our next door neighbor and we walked with them to a park today. The kids ran most of the way and we taught them how to stop when we said, "Ready, set stop!" before intersections and driveways.

About Judaism: There is so much more Torah learning here than there have been in any of the other places I've ever lived... at least in theory. Not much is happening in my community and I don't have time to go to classes during the week. It's traditional during the 7 weeks from Pesach (about leaving Egypt) to Shavuot (about receiving the Torah from Mount Sinai) to study Pirkei Avot. I'm tired of waiting for others to deliver it to me and tired of complaining. So I spontaneously sent out an email last week inviting people to learn here in my house. I've learned enough about Pirkei Avot in other contextx to start a conversation although I can't really teach about it well. So basically 2 people came and we had some great discussion.

The interesting thing is that before, during and after I felt incredibly self-conscious and anxious to be in this kind of leadership position of actually inviting others over to learn. I just have trouble setting things up and then taking the blame for imperfection, should any blame be placed.

All the more appropriate Hillel's quote,
If I am not for myself who will be for me? Yet, if I am for myself only, what am I? And if not now, when?

One part of that means, be who you are. No one else can do it for you.