On The Return

Yesterday morning when ND woke up, Meemau sang her this song, a song that's been passed down through the generations in her family:

Good morning, Merry Sunshine.

Why did you wake so soon?

You frightened all the stars away

and scared away the moon.

She said to ND, are you a merry sunshine, to which ND said,

"I'm not a sunshine. The sunshine is a circle and I'm not a circle."

So began our last day away. Final days with family are so hard... there's no good way to spend the time. We sat around for a conversation about how miserable it is to fly because of security, and no more pillows on planes etc. I chose not to join in because I hate conversations that are just about complaining. I am perfectly happy to deal with security as it is intended to help with... well, security. Also, I'm far more worried about a number of other more worrisome things in the world that I'm not going to list here for fear of depressing myself. A final reason, honestly, is I think that I could probably get the prize for hard time flying but don't feel the need to claim it.

But in the interest of telling the story of last night I'll mention that I think every year when I return home from Austin I have to fly through Dallas and that almost always, there is a storm. This was true when I was pregnant and so thirsty and nauseous the stranger next to me had to help me. This was true when I had an infant in arms and had to run from one flight to the next, arriving home in a different airport that I had intended. 

This was true last night when our 3:15 boarding time was pushed repeatedly and the flight TO Dallas did not actually get into the air until about 7:30 PM. This was true last night when we were given a choice to de-plane in Austin and I couldn't decide whether it was better to do so and risk not getting back into the air at all or to be stuck in Dallas waiting for a 6 AM flight the next morning that AA wanted to send me on. This was true when we did finally arrive in Dallas and were not able to get off the plane until 9 PM. This was true when the crew for the next flight was also delayed.

Almost all's well that almost ends well as we were able to get on another plane within half an hour of arriving in Dallas and landed in NY at 2:something AM. My suitcase and ND's car seat sadly did not arrive yet, but the airline loaned us a carseat. My noble spouse was happy to pick us up and we all got to bed around 4. ND is sleeping now and I'm enjoying taking the day slow and waiting for our baggage to arrive.

ND was a positively incredible trooper. She played and we talked nicely through all of it. I snapped at her once or twice when she wanted to do things her way at a time when I was tense or needing to hear instructions, and as the evening wore on, I had to remind her of things more and more often. Lately her response when I get stern with her is always, "I'm LISTening!" To that I say, "Yes, you're listening, but that doesn't matter if you don't do what I say, and I had to say it one-two-three times." But when things didn't go right, like losing a crayon or dropping a pretzel she calmly said again and again, "That's OK."

When we were finally on planes, she said she wanted to get off, poor thing, but she cuddled up to me and went to sleep on both flights.

In any case, I'm back now and wondering how I can continue to slow things down for myself as school starts up again. I have a busy weekend with so many Tu B'shvat things. I've been stressing disproportionately about a Green Kiddush we're organizing for the shul and I'm wondering if I really need to have as active a lifestyle as I have lately. I'm trying to change the world, but maybe I'd be better off just having more time to clean my house and write and be with ND.