10 Year Anniversary Dvar Torah

What a great Shabbat this has been. Yesterday was our 10 year anniversary, so today we sponsored a kiddush and had some guests for Shabbat where I shared a little Dvar Torah.

10 years ago, at the Shabbat preceding our wedding, I spoke to a room of women including my mother and mother-in-law-to-be about the parsha Shelach. In the parsha, the spies that enter Israel bring back reports of a land of abundance. I remember describing to the group the enormous grapes they carried, and I compared these fruits to the success they have shown me in their own marriages as U. and I prepared to enter into that "land" as well.

10 years later, I have more to add. Just as the spies came out with abundant fruits they also brought out some fears in the people. Throughout our marriage we have had many ups, but downs too. Many of our conflicts have come from us either following bad habits or trying too much to emulate what we thought our roles should be based on what we'd seen in others.

Over the years we've learned to believe in ourselves as individuals more, to believe in each other more, and to believe in the marriage itself more. At the times when I've felt the least secure in our marriage, it has been very similar to another part of the parsha, when the meraglim say, "We were like grasshoppers in our eyes." This unhealthy self-concept can lead to dysfunction.

The more I've been able to create a healthy respect for myself, the more I've been able to respect my spouse as well, and the happier we've grown. We don't always have to follow what other couples look like. As Dr. Seuss is quoted as saying, "Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."