The Visit

About to begin the last Shabbos while my parents are here. It's been so hard to figure out how best to spend the time. Cramming in lots of time together is not ideal as we get tired and it's stressful to worry about how the time is being spent.

But living near each other and seeing each other a little at a time on a more regular basis, like coming over for dinner one night and then returning home, simply isn't an option. I'm gradually becoming more and more willing to accept this. One night I cried and cried about it, feeling frustrated that I needed to work while they're here, but knowing I wanted that regularity too.

A lot of it was guilt. I want to be available for my parents and I feel disloyal if I don't cherish every minute. But the truth is, I guess they don't need it all that much, I'm learning (or re-learning, as I've had this realization many times before). It's just me forgetting how much I really do like being an adult and living independently. It's me thinking I should be wanting to be a child at home again. And also learning that they were adults together before I was ever even conceived and they are just continuing that life while I have mine.