YK 2007: How It Went

Like I said... really different from last year. Very similar to Rosh Hashanah. We stayed very busy watching ND.

I'm really proud at how I did with the fast too. There is a Kosher Natural Vitamins and health food kind of store in Teaneck with this wonderful woman who can talk your ear off and can sell me just about anything. She had recommended this special Israeli-made product that nursing women take before a fast. Two vials of really potent, honey-like something-or-other. Take one the morning before the fast, and one 10 minutes before the fast and it seemed to really make a difference! I'm afraid I don't know the name of it since it was all written in Hebrew (without even nekudot). I'll try in the future to find out a link and post it here because it's really great stuff. I even stood through all of neilah.

But getting into the heart of the day...

Yom Kippur just didn't feel as urgent as sometimes this year. I think it's because I feel on top of my life... OUR life. The self-searching, self-improvement etc.... I feel like I've been working on it pretty well and feel good about where I am now and also where I'm going. I feel embarrassed about mistakes of the past year, but I feel that rather than beg for forgiveness, I just needed to ask for a clean slate in order to move forward with what I'm already doing well. I hope I'm not saying something here that I will regret.

The one theme that kind of came to me fresh during the chag was a desire to see myself as more of a part of the community. I focus a lot (in both good ways and bad) on myself and what I should be doing to be my best, but not always in the context of community. I'd like to learn that I'm no more or less important than any other person in any of my communities. Things I say and do, or not say and do, can have an impact for good or for bad, just like anyone else, and that others need to learn that for themselves too. I think this is a difficult concept for most people because we are all so trapped inside ourselves and have trouble seeing ourselves at the same level of importance as others. We either raise or lower ourselves depending on that day's level of self-esteem. (It's even harder for an only child!)

Anyway, I'm not even so into the public philosophizing this year. The best part of Yom Kippur was during the al-chet prayer when you tap your heart with your fist as you list the wrongs of the past year. Anytime I did that with ND on my left hip, she grabbed my hand and "helped" me move that fist. It was hard to be serious when she had that huge smile on her face and was so proud of herself. I hope she can help me wipe away mistakes just as easily in real life and not just in the abstract.