Water Water Everywhere And Not A Drop To Drink

The title describes how I've been feeling lately about finding spirituality within a Jewish community. I go to shul regularly and teach at a Jewish school and yet often feel I have to travel to another planet, or at least find some retreat center, to find the kind of spiritual satisfaction I'm looking for.

There are a number of reasons for this:

Part of it is just that I come from a different place culturally than those around me. A hippie child can't expect to fit into materialistic and wealthy post-Manhattan suburb life style.

Part is that I've been under a lot of stress lately for several reasons, at least one of which I hope to disclose shortly. (Stay tuned in future weeks.) Juggling work and motherhood might have something to do with it too.

Part of it is that I admit that I'm rarely satisfied.

Either way, I've been asking myself some big questions about where I come from, where I am, and where I'm going in terms of both Jewish practice and mindset.

Today, though, I had one of those absolutely lovely experiences that made me feel I was coming home again, home to myself.

I've been missing nature for awhile and today it was un-cold enough that we could go into the woods, even with snow still on the ground. I took ND on my back and went for a lovely walk. But more than that, I had some dishes to tovel. (I'd link to info. on this but can't find anything useful. Basically, new dishes need to be immersed in a special way before being used as part of keeping Kosher.) There is a kaylim mikvah in town that was open, but I wanted to do it the natural way. So I carried the bag of dishes with me on my little walk until I found a good private spot near a creek. The water was freezing, but I felt much more that I was actually doing some wonderful ritual and linking in with ancestors as I did so. I was combining Jewish practice with the earthy nature practice I so identify with and which so few people around me seem to understand.

It was so comforting. I've most definitely written on here before about how rejuvenating nature, especially the woods, can be for me. But it still amazes me. Last week sucked. It doesn't matter how much I have to do. If I don't take that time for myself and my soul, I just can't function at capacity.