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Tuesday, February 12, 2008

Claiming Faith

I have a havruta (Torah study partner) on Tuesday nights. Tonight we had the BEST talk. We only even got through two pasukim but talked for over 45 minutes.

Parsha Tetzaveh is about the mishkan. We talked about how boring it is to read about it, and then we talked about what it was like to have it, what it was like to make sacrifices etc.

We were thinking it would be easy to really live in fear under those conditions and to really believe quite easily and intensely in a G-d who could affect you easily and profoundly by taking away life the way your sacrifices are taken.

We compared that to how hard people have to work today to feel anything spiritually. I said that on Yom Kippur I sometimes feel like I'm play-acting and that whatever I feel isn't enough because I have to force it from an internal place and that there is not enough getting me there from an external place.

But then she said that in a community such as a chassidic community it would be easy to have all of th external stimulation, but harder to have your own path, your own thoughts and feelings. (We both agree that we are each too stubborn to live under those circumstances.)

Interestingly, she was raised frum and in a frum community. I was not. I followed my heart. She doesn't think she'd be frum if she hadn't been raised in it and then later claimed it as her own. I don't think I would have stayed with it if it had been so easily accessible. Both of us agree how beautiful it is to reclaim it voluntarily each day.

I don't really have a conclusion here. I've just been thinking about how lonely I sometimes feel in my desire to be spirituality stimulated, and yet when I'm in communities that look spiritually stimulating, I find things I don't like too. I think that loneliness and a desire to be close to G-d actually depend on each other somewhat, or else you're doing spirituality for the social high. On the other hand, I don't know if my feelings of "yearning" are for G-d or for other spiritually-inclined people.

We also said we think most people start out very spiritual but then unlearn it. That makes me so sad, and I think it 's true. That's why I want to teach meditation to children and moms.

It's late. And for the record, I have a minor cold again.

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2 Comments:

Blogger AMJ said...

Great topic. I have been going to a shir every Sunday for the last few weeks now and we had a similar discussion. Not necessarily frum by birth or by choice, but about the difference between acting religious, i.e. going through the motions and being spiritual, actually feeling and acting on what one believes and differences between the different communities as well. I have found it interesting that whether one is raised as frum or comes into that so many of the issues are the same for both sides of the coin. Once we as people make the decision to take on Hashem's commandments we are all in it together for better or for worse. Thanks for bringing up such a great topic again!

3:39 PM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Yay Yay! I just saw this. I love that you wrote it up! I'm still thinking about it, by the way.

7:49 PM

 

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