Distance

My assistant is wonderful. She emailed me yesterday and said I shouldn't worry about coming in today. "It's only Friday," she said. I was planning to go to work anyway, because it's only Friday and that means a shorter day. But she's right. I'm not ready yet.

I'm pleased with how I spent the day yesterday. What CAN you do this far from your family when your family is mourning? I realized there isn't much, so I just had a quiet day. I wrote in ND's journal about her great-grandfather and I wrote condolence cards. I worked on (nearly finished) a project I started awhile ago for ND in honor of her birthday. I gave her my full attention when she wanted it instead of multi-tasking on the computer. We walked to the grocery store to buy food for Shabbat and we walked to the library to return books. We didn't talk to people much except for one good friend who called. I have a volunteer job at my shul for arranging meals for families when they have a baby. I did that for two people yesterday. I cleaned a little. It was a slow, quiet, family day.

I wrote to my rabbi about the situation and he's offered to learn something with my family in memory of my grandfather. I've asked if in addition to that he and I could just learn something on the phone today for a few minutes around the time of the funeral.

Yesterday I didn't feel terribly sad. In fact, I laughed a lot with my friend on the phone. I guess that also felt like bringing kavod (honor) to the situation. But today I feel a little sadder. It's the day of the funeral. So we're further from the initial blow and closer to wondering how my family will be feeling from here on out with my grandfather gone. It's also stormy outside with dark gray clouds and noisy wind that seeps in through the windows. Yesterday was sunny at least.

In the past I've written about my angel cards. I don't bother with them that much lately, but this week I have. Today my "Arwen card" said, "Give yourself the same compassion you would give others."

In other words, stay home.