Teaching Log: Type AAAAAAAA!!!

This has been an incredible school year.

It was my first year back to work for a full day since ND was born. That means working from 8-3:30, teaching 2 second grade classes of almost 20 kids each and caring for a two-year old.

To do this I've become incredibly organized.

And it's worked. Not only have I done the work, but I've done it well. I'm very proud of so many things I've accomplished this year.

But I'm realizing now it's had another effect on me too.

Yesterday I was eating lunch with the other second grade English (as opposed to Judaic Studies) teachers and was really freaking out. "But I didn't do this! And they don't know that!"

They reminded me that I didn't used to think that way. I used to be more laid back, caring foremost that the kids were safe, happy and just learning something useful.

During my first year of teaching -- 8 years ago -- there was a particular teacher on my team who was Type A to the MAX! She had it all under control all the time and accomplished triple what I did every single day. I admired her a great deal, but I also felt tense around her. I think she tended to see the children more in terms of their deficits than their abilities. Eventually, I learned that my talents had more to do with making children feel at home with themselves, even if their work was far more impressive. I truly believed that everything they really needed to learn would come somehow if I just could make a comfortable environment in my room and trust them a little more.

I think I've lost some of that now. I want it back... my idealism, my calm, my imperfectionism. Believe me, I worried a lot then, and failed a lot too, by I had little choice to do otherwise. All first year teachers flounder the majority of the time.

I think I can get the old me back. I just need to trust myself, and the kids, a little more. I bet I'll be a more self-confident person for it.