Accepting Limitations

A few months after I moved from Portland to Vancouver a casual acquaintance of an acquaintance obnoxiously said to me,

“Why did you move here? Didn’t you like Portland?”

It infuriated me at the time as I had struggled so hard to leave my home and family and, while I have really enjoyed Vancouver, it was not the first choice I would have made. How near-sighted it was for him to think that I just got up and left because I didn’t like it.

Now we’re moving to NY. This has always been sort of a fascinating fear of mine, to be in that enormous legendary city. Remembering my childhood living off in the country with our own chickens and yard and acre of land with trees my father planted etc… and realizing that I’ll probably raise children in an apartment in a city instead, upsets me considerably.

But I’ve made important choices in my life that have led to this decision. This is what is best, given the options, for my husband and me and I know that it will bring good things. I just don’t know what they are yet. And the truth is, I am very excited even though I never believed before that we would do this.

So as people ask where I WANT to be, I sometimes get annoyed. To think we have choice in all things is naive.
This is where we ARE, for better or worse, and in fact we’ve worked hard to reach this point. I’m proud to be willing to do something that wasn’t my first choice, and now have faith that I will MAKE it into the best choice possible.

I could never say this if I hadn’t done it before. I didn’t want to leave Portland, but I did it, and I haven’t looked back. In less than a year I learned to love Vancouver. So now I’ve done it once. The challenge will be magnified in such a crowded place, such a BIG place, such a distinct place. But I’ve handled big challenges before. Not only have I handled them, I’ve grown from them and enjoyed it.

Even if it IS a challenge.