Forgiveness

One of the tricky things about Yom Kippur is that before you can ask for forgiveness from G-d, you have to ask for it from people. Only those who have been wronged can grant that forgiveness.

I try to take this very seriously and it is always very scary to approach someone in order to apologize. I'm not terribly good at it and, with the exception of family, often don't know who I need to approach. The worst is when I'm upset with someone and don't want to approach them because I feel they are at fault and I want THEM to apologize more than I think I should.

I don't take pride in these feelings, but it is my reality and I suspect it is the same for many others as well.

What's really frustrating is when I receive mass emails from someone asking general forgiveness. There have been a number of times when I've received one and I know the person doesn't realize that I really did feel harmed by something they did. One year I received one of these emails and later approached the person and told her how upset I was about something. This act on my part actually led to a friendship, but that's because this was with a very special and sincere individual who appreciated how candid I was. I hope if someone had approached me in the same way I would have had the courage to open up a friendship too.

What about when you get one of those emails and you know it isn't sincere, and you know you can't tell the person how much they've upset you? The best I can do with those is to accept their request for forgiveness and hope that the new year brings a fresh start. But along with that I think it's important for me to stand up for myself to prevent feeling wronged later on. It's hard to believe that those emails are any more than just a game, but I could be wrong.

As for asking forgiveness myself... except for family, I don't always know who to ask. I think everyone hurts other people in life without even knowing it (just as someone can make your day fantastic without realizing). I'd like to say I'm the sort of person who would willingly accept being told by someone that I had wronged them. I don't take criticism well, but I do understand what it's like for a person to be hurt and in those cases I think I would really be honest with someone who had the courage to tell me and would do the best I could to rectify it.

At the risk of this blog being the equivalent of a mass email that I just now trashed, I hope that if any of you who reads this has felt hurt or offended by anything I've said or done intentionally or unintentionally that you will tell me so that I can sincerely clean the slate for next year. Even if you tell me after Yom Kippur, please tell me.

G'mar tov.