3 Months After All
I've been absent from the blog for a few days for a reason.
On Monday I went to the school where I work to be in a school portrait. It was fun to see my students again, but since I left I have found myself crying continually. I had told my boss I'd be back on Monday. I would teach for three days, then have Winter Break, and then come back to teach in earnest. I found I just wasn't ready to return.
On top of that, I went that day to a Mom and Baby yoga class. I cried there too, so the teacher, who I think is a doula, took it upon herself to coach me through it a little.
To make a long story short, this morning I called my supervisor and asked for a full 3 months off instead of just the 6 weeks that were almost up. I feel terrible about it because she had asked for more notice and now my substutite is not available for next week. (The substitute is a friend who I spoke to about this last night.) My supervisor was amazingly understanding but I know I've let her down and I know that she is worried now that I won't come back after the 3 months. Who can blame her? I wish I could reassure her, but I don't trust myself right now to know what's what anymore. I really intend to return, but I promised her a more certain answer in about two weeks.
I thought that once I'd made this decision, I'd feel relieved, but I don't know what I feel right now. I think I need some time to just live it first. I think I need to get out of the apartment. And at this stage in my development as a mother, that will take a few hours to accomplish.
Labels: career, family, parenthood, teaching
posted by Evenewra at January 10, 2007
2 Comments:
Yeah, okay, so it sucks that you couldn't give your supervisor more notice, but how were you supposed to know you'd feel like this? Just a few posts ago, you were talking about how you were ready to go back. *shrug* Sometimes, it takes the immediacy of the moment to make us realize how we truly feel about something.
I'm grateful you had such understanding and caring people around you to help you facilitate this decision.
And don't worry about your supervisor. It's part of her job to deal with last-minute things like this. And you know what? If you don't want to come back after 3 months, she'll deal with that, too. Let go of the guilt (HA! As if we could do that so easily!), and go focus on yourself. Oh yeah - and your baby ;)
3:51 PM
I'm with Alissa. You're dealing with your employer in good faith.
Enjoy the time! The babies change so much and so fast, especially during the first year, I'll be really suprised if you ever regret this decision.
10:56 PM
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