Summer is Almost Here

It's so close.

I have one week left of teaching, and another week of closing up shop. (Only two of those days are required. The others are days I'm taking to prepare for next year while ND is still in daycare.)

Already I'm feeling like I can relax a little, although I'm not terribly good at it.

I spend most of my life either working really hard or thinking I should be doing something different than I am. If I get up early, I even wonder if I should sleep in a little the way I imagine my peers doing. If I relax, I think I'm missing out on valuable work time.

One of my biggest goals this summer is just to trust myself more.

I did a little work in the yard today. I had to remind myself that I really haven't done any in ages, and barely even felt compelled to as I was in the midst of the school year. Now that I was doing it, I felt on one hand that I was finally glad to be helping out with it, but again, wondering if I should be doing something else instead.

Who do I think is checking up on me? Is this about living more in the present moment, or about being less judgmental towards myself? Or about fear of loss of opportunity?

Or all?