Appointment of 10 years

My cancer is a decade in the past. I tend to wear the experience of it as a badge of wisdom. I also tend to think of myself as well aware of and in control of my feelings. But one step into my oncologists office for a 10 year check up and I'm stiff, short of breath and misunderstood several of the receptionist's directions. This isn't logical or practical. It's my body remembering fear regardless of whether there is actually a threat. It feels very real but I can handle it.