About the Brainsite

I haven't been blogging on here so terribly much lately. Mainly it's because I'm chanelling all of my baggage lately into my infamous OTHER blog. So lately I've been wondering the purpose of this one. In particular I was finding myself regretting today a number of my entries about movies. Last night U. and I had a great chat about an article that he read about "Munich" which got us both rethinking a major scene in the movie. I was so disappointed by my actual experience of watching the movie that I wasn't able to actually refer to any meaning about it when I blogged about it briefly in a previous blog entry. In that same entry I wrote about how "Ushpizin" would not change your life, but that was a little unfair of me to say. Who am I to say what impact a movie might or might not have on someone? (After all, I found myself reflecting on it myself more than I expected, particularly at times that its message could help me.) I guess I was just really annoyed by this one woman who said it at a Shabbos table in a really annoying way. But I'll leave that.

So what do I write about on here lately? I've dropped most of my more soul-searching issues because, as I said, they're on the OTHER blog now. Part of this is because I do need to censor a bit now because I'm less certain of who my audience is, and I don't want to say something I regret to people I actually see on a regular basis. But where is my inspiration lately? Are the things I write about meaningful enough?

Today I went for a walk in a place I've wanted to go for awhile. It's a cemetery I pass each week on the way to shul. But since I think (I'm not sure) you're supposed to avoid cemeteries on Shabbos, I hadn't explored it yet. Today it was freezing and windy, but sunny, and cemeteries are fascinating places. So I went down for just a quick peek. There is a gravestone there of someone who lived to be about 40 and who died in the nineties. His gravestone is surrounded by ceramic gnomes, a little deer and a bunch of other toys including a whole row of hot wheels cars. He must have been a wonderful person. I searched for his name online but found nothing.

Is that the sort of thing that's interesting to read here?

One more note... I started daydreaming yesterday about my cancer experiences again. It comes and goes. It's starting to feel like I want to do something creative again to tell my story. Like I need to look at it again from this new place in my life. I first really realized how ill I was on Purim of 2003. I was so weak that I couldn't make it to the seudah (Purim feast). Purim's coming again. That must be why.

So few people here still know about this part of my life. And even those who know, really don't. I used to sit and tell my story to people. I've also written about it. I think I need to do an art project about it. It wouldn't be the first.