Wedding Anniversary

Yesterday was our wedding anniversary. (We went out today to see X-Men in honor of the occassion.) I've been thinking about what I've learned, and continue to learn, over the past 5 years of marriage.

I could say flowery stuff about love and romance but that really doesn't fit the way we talk. This will be grittier, but it's about what I find to be a very happy reality rather than a dreamy myth.

In no particular order:

- People are different and have flaws. Part of a shidduch is in finding flaws that are compatible.

- A relationship is like a separate being unto his-her self. This being is totally unique and cannot be like any other relationship-being.

- One of the most comforting parts of reflecting on a relationship is the idea that your particular problems together are no worse than anybody else's. This is similar to accepting your own personal flaws.

- One of the hardest things is to truly hear the person you've married and not the person you thought you would marry.

- Another hard thing is to believe that person when, for example, he say he is "fine." (But he actually often is.)

- One of the most important things is to accept that person. Everyone knows this and yet it can be very hard to sincerely execute. The image of who we think we've accepted often does not match the real person. How incredible to realize you've married a REAL person and not an image.

- You do not have to do everything together. You can have separate lives in addition to living one life together.

- You can believe and value different things.

- You can see beauty in different places and steal share that beauty with the other.

- You can have quality time watching TV together.

- Any marriage that works for you, works just great.