Joy

Something's going very right today.

I just had a short but very nice meditation. I'm feeling great today... partly I'm sure because yesterday I had Shabbos lunch with some awesome people who I think can really be my friends (and they might even read about me saying that on here!) and also because U. and I head to Niagara Falls today.

But I think it's more than that... no need to dissect. In any case, as I was meditating, I heard a radio outside. I usually find it irritating and distracting to hear that during meditation, but today I felt like I could use joy to be deliberately naive, in a way, and let irritations fall to the wayside. I've worked before with the idea of rising above the world when it is a difficult place and I've seen people just seem blissfully ignorant of what's around them. The challenge I think is to remain blissfully joyful, and still have room for heartbreak of all the real pain in the world.

What I want to eliminate, though, more than anything, are the everyday anxieties. I read somewhere yesterday (although I can't place where or find the quotation) that anxiety over the little things in life cause the biggest obstacles to our relationship with G-d. I also heard on Friday on NPR (sadly I can't find this interview right now either) a man who I think has compiled a book of doctor's diaries during wartime. He, himself, says he feels more alive when in the midst of fighting death in war, and hates the every day anxieties of civilian life like losing car keys. I have to say, I too gravitate sometimes for that crisis mode of living because it eliminates a lot of the daily worries.

The way that normally translates for me is by working in chaotic kid environments in which everything is very immediate. The annoying thing is that in order to be in that wonderful environment, there needs to be a lot of planning first which, for me, creates anxiety.

Anyway, not today.