11 Things

About our 11 month old:

1. She is now into stacking things. This morning as I was preparing breakfast, she discovered a drawer beneath our oven (which was off or I promise you ND would not have been in there with me) and began taking my boxes of tea out of the neighboring cabinet and stacking them in the drawer. She was VERY proud of herself.

2. She has not been trying so hard to walk lately. Around 10 months she was spending a lot of time "surfer-style" standing. Sort of holding out both hands and balancing as long as she could.

3. She does not like to be separated from her mama. Even when mama just goes to the other room for a minute, and even when Dad is there. See below in number seven for Mama reactions.

4. She loves cheerios and most recently was introduced to kiwi. She likes feeding herself with one hand, and feeding the floor with the other.

5. She laughs like a dolphin.

6. She rarely (knock on wood) screams in the car anymore.

7. She loves music. She often plays drums (or paint cans or benches or whatever) while "singing" as loud as she can. After a good nap she especially does this in our music class.

8. Lately she makes a little face like she's sniffing. She does it socially. Not sure quite what it means yet.

9. She loves to point at things, especially my mouth. I usually gobble up her finger when she does that.

10. When she is sleeping really soundly she just sprawls out in all directions like you dropped her from the sky and she just landed there.

11. As her daycare teacher said today, "She's a really happy kid. When she's crying, it's always for a reason."

About being a mom for 11 months:

1. I used to wake up every day and feel absolutely terrified that something could happen. I'm feeling less of that fear. Motherhood is almost seeming more like a routine now.

2. However, I'm still a self-righteous mom who believes in:

3. No TV

4 Avoiding battery-operated toys

5. Believing in children as angelic and mysterious souls (sort of a Rudolf Steiner approach although I'm selective in what I take from him)

6. And nursing with my daughter a LOT w/ no intention of weaning before she initiates it herself

7. It is enormously flattering to be the most important person in ND's life. Yes it's hard sometimes, like when I want to get just about anything done or want to take a Shabbos nap or whatever. And it worries me in certain circumstances. Parent-teacher conferences are coming up and I'll be away from her for much of the day. This would be fine if she was in her regular routine of daycare, but I think she'll have a hard time being home with U. without me there too. Maybe she'll grow from it. In general I don't hold to the idea that I need to TEACH her to do without me. That's silly, in my mind. She'll grow out of it. I can't make her do that prematurely.

8. And for the record, she's perfectly happy to be at daycare. I don't get as emotional now when I leave her. And amazingly enough, she's not interested in my "one last kiss". If I pick her up from one of her teachers, she tries to get back to the teacher.

9. I sometimes imagine what it will be like when she's old enough to really want me to play a lesser role in her life. And it sometimes makes me sad. But mostly I'm living in the present with her instead.

10. For awhile I was learning to really multitask with ND so that I could get more things done. Now I'm learning to do just the opposite. I find I get rundown and feel split in all directions if I try to get work done (or do things I want to do just for myself) and can't because she needs me. Now I work harder at accomplishing more when I am actually at work or after she goes to bed.

11. I am a mother first, above all else, and it feels okay.