Post-Rosh Hashanah

I had a fabulous Rosh Hashanah, better than expected. I'm going to keep most of the details to myself.

But... I'll just quickly say that the childcare situation where I was davening really wasn't good. So all the time either U. was watching ND outside the davening space (an auditorium in a hospital) or I had here with me while I was davening inside. She was absolutely amazing, especially the second day, and we didn't need to take breaks outside at all for what I think might have been a full hour or two. I really don't know how long.

So when the final shofar blasts were blown ("Ofar, Mommy. Ofar!") we went up to the front of the room with many of the other children. Sitting there in a wheelchair was the mother of a friend of mine. This woman had a stroke a few years ago and has great difficulty speaking. I often want to reach out to her but I often get nervous because I can't understand what she's saying to me.

When she saw ND walk pass, the woman reached her shaking hand out to her. Usually ND shies away a little, but somehow she got it this time and held the woman's hand. I held ND's other hand and put my hand on the woman's back and was totally overcome with emotion as we held our little circle and the shofar blew.

Transcending words.

I wasn't expecting much from the holiday because of my issues with living in such a materialistic place and a shul that's often not so spiritual, but my heart opened anyway with all the effort I had put into preparing both for Rosh Hashanah itself and trying to feel more understanding towards others.

So I felt genuinely uplifted.

Now this morning, I'm sick. Sick sick sick with a runny nose and sore throat that started up on the last afternoon of the holiday. I hate it. This is the 3rd time I've had a cold since school started less than a month ago! I manage to heal much faster than I used to, sometimes in a day, but this brings up a lot of emotion for me. Part of this is that I came out with some friends the other day as a cancer survivor and we talked a bit about life and death at their Rosh Hashanah table. So now I feel afraid and humble and a little hopeless that I can't seem to maintain my good health for long periods of time, however fabulous I feel during my healthy days.

Did some restorative yoga this morning from Myyogaonline and, within that quiet space, found a reason to be sick. These are the days of awe, and feeling this fear and weakness fills me with awe and a sense of mortality. Thank G-d, I know this will pass, maybe even in just a day or so, but I'm more willing to bear it if I see it as a message.