Summer

Summer finally began for me midway through Thursday of last week when my school year finally ended with a pool party at my boss's house. (I got a little sunburned, much to my twisted delight.)

So now the fun begins... anyone who knows me at all will predict that I'm going to spend some portion of my summer obsessing about how I'm spending my summer and with too many lists... even lists of fun things I want to do. I want to look back at the end of the time and feel accomplished.

But accomplishment means a number of things this year:

-I have some big goals for writing. This will be the hardest to get done and the easiest to measure.

-I also want to spend real time with ND. This isn't something I can measure. I hope to just get better at doing it daily. Today I was successful, going with her and U. to a playground with a sandbox at her request.

-A few days ago I began to worry if I shouldn't have arranged to spend some time in Portland with my family. The more I thought about it, the more I came to the conclusion that it's important I stick around this year. For one, I went for 3 weeks last year and that meant U. and ND being separated. I'd like for us to have more time together this summer. But maybe even more significantly, I need to start putting down some roots here. I've been here about 5 years and I still don't want to consider it home, but I also want closer friends. When my friend died a few weeks ago, I reflected more on this. I saw how many people flocked to her support before her death, and to her family afterwards. I began to crave that feeling of community. So even at the expense of travel or writing, I think I need to find time to bond with friends.

In any case, among all of these things, there's always the house that needs so much done... dishes for one thing, buying a dishwasher for another, ironically enough. Then the laundry, the lawn, the longing for it all to already be clean and perfect. It's all a process.

Went last week to the Barnes and Noble open mic night. While deciding what to read I found this poem I wrote in April 2009, very much about accepting a messy house and experiencing the moment.

A life of worth --

does it come

from accomplishment

or appreciation?

From minutes spent racing

to the next

Or holding out arms 

in ecstasy of the moment

even as the pieces fall 

all around.