Healing: Part II

So I saw the doctor Monday. She gave me a blood test to check my immunogloblins or whatever. I like to call them Immuno-goblins. We'll get the results next week. Worst case scenario is that they will be terribly low and I'll have to go in and get an infusion once a month. Not unlike good old chemo days... I actually got excited at the prospect that a drug could help me, but of course she would really prefer we not go this route. And my dad tells me that he knows he has a low immuno-whatever count. So I'm guessing that I will be diagnosed with having a low count, but not too low and that I should try to keep my hands clean and not stress out. That's usually what I'm told. In other words, more of the same.

In the meantime, she also prescribed some antiobiotics in case I might need them. Neither of us wanted me to take them but I took the paper just in case. Sure enough, Tuesday night I came home from work exhausted and headachy. I got under the covers for a nap and discovered I was shivering like crazy. Had a fever of 100.4.

I've been home since then. Feeling awful about leaving all the word to my assistant and feeling unplanned for school after Pesach. I had meant to complete all that this week but it's hard when you are at home and your head is cloudy.

My doctor noticed (I love this doctor) that I am very hard on myself about being sick. She's right. I get very very angry at myself and wonder what's wrong with me. I imagine the entire world saying I should really be at work and that I must be faking it.

On the other hand, when I was still there on Tuesday and started coughing in the office, someone yelled at me for spreading germs and said I should go home. (I had covered my mouth!!!) I wouldn't have minded if it was a friend. But it wasn't, and the way the person said it was quite stern and a little rude.

Either way, it just seems so unfair to my assistant who has had to take over without me.

Is it possible that schools aren't safe environments for me? Is it possible my immune system will build up more before next year?

One last thought: Isn't it interesting that this time of year is the 3-year anniversary of my cancer diagnosis? And even though I'm struggling with health problems, I'm so proud of myself that I'm not assuming this is cancer again.