The Rest Of Purim

That was an awesome Purim.

Friday morning we got up and got on our costumes. My mom had bought ND a lion costume months before so I decided to do the same.

Of course, I can't just be a lion without some deep meaning behind it. One piece was that I felt a little like the Cowardly Lion from the Wizard of Oz, uncovering my own inner courage. Another comes from this picture which I bought a copy of from a street vendor in NY awhile back to put up in my classroom. The kids like it and understand it too:



Our day: Megillah reading, seudah at the shul, seudah at a friend's house, home to prep. for Shabbos

I had low expectations for the first seudah. I was afraid it would just be another fancy meal without anything Purim-ish about it. ND and I arrived still in our Purim costumes and weren't surprised to see that, at first, we were the only ones. But as more people came, more costumes did too. And it wasn't just people from our shul, but also some of the Rabbi's friends from Chovavei. So it was good. Not too many people and everyone there was interested in the Purim insights and Torah learning available to share.

On Purim, the masks come off, the truth comes out and things are turned upside-down. As a result, my cowardly lion self rediscovered courage and I gave a spontaneous drash.

The second meal was at my "twin"'s house. That's what she called me, anyway, much to my delight. She's the motherly Israeli who teaches the Hebrew half of the day to my students. So I'm the English twin to her Hebrew teaching. I repeated the drash there.

That night, at Shabbos dinner, I said it one more time, now to U.

Each time it was revised a little, so I shouldn't have any trouble relating it here:

In Megillat Esther we see anger come up again and again, not just as a feeling but as a force with dangerous ramifications.

When Vashti refuses to come before King Ahashverosh, the king is ANGRY and his anger will not abate until Vashti's been beheaded.

Likewise, even when Haman is being honored by the king and by Queen Esther, he is still so ANGRY when he sees Mordechai at the gate. That Mordechai won't bow down to him makes him so ANGRY that his anger won't be abated until he's killed all the Jews.

Purim is a time when secrets come out, so I will say that when I first starting teaching, I found there were times when I became incredibly angry. My students would refuse to give me the respect I thought I deserved or to do what I wanted them to do. I would hear myself take a deep breath and, in that moment, realize it was too late... then I would yell at them at the top of my lungs.

This kind of anger comes when we think we're not being honored, when someone in the room is not validating that YOU are the most important and powerful person there. It's this desire for honor that causes the anger.

But when you are caring for children, either as a teacher or as a parent, it's NOT ABOUT YOU.

When you can allow yourself to experience humility again and to realize, like Mordechai and Esther, that you're part of a much greater plan, the anger dissipates. Only then can you really teach, nurture and even discipline effectively and, as a result, not destroy the people who might otherwise have made you feel so much anger.