Caring Gone Bad

Last week was tough. The hardest day was Wednesday. I had a fantastic morning teaching with some unexpected breaks. During one of them a colleague/friend of mine stopped in. I commented how well things were going this morning. She said she was glad because I sometimes seemed stressed and that she worried about me. She said she wished she could just take over my class for me sometimes and give me a break.

Now, as much as I like sympathy, I do not like appearing to others to be stressed or that I need help. I was embarassed and, as a result, made a mess of the afternoon, actually getting stressed and raising my voice with the kids.

Had trouble sleeping that night and wondered again if I can survive at this job for a lifetime. Then Thursday ended and Friday came and then Shabbat and now we're starting over again.

There are a half a dozen reasons why next year should be easier. Will it be? Won't it? One day at a time, I guess. I have wonderful wonderful moments almost every day along with all the stress. And just learning new ways to cope and have self-confidence makes me proud of my growth.

I just want to be honest and neither be unreasonably glad or unreasonably worried about how things are going.