Confession

I've been holding back.

While I've been talking about food and fireworks and birthdays, something else important has been going on.

I'm pregnant.

I'm very happy about it. This is something I've been wanting and something that I hope is also meant to be (regardless of my want).

But I've been holding back on the blog.

I have some good reasons for it:

One is that I read some other blogs of pregnant women and sometimes they irritate me. I guess it's because someone in that point in their lives can't help but be a little self-centered. It's a major change taking place, it's very spiritual as well as very physical, and it requires a lot of personal reflection that is sometimes awkward to watch from the outside. So I've felt unsure about expecting others to care about my journey.

Another reason is that some people don't tell basically for superstitious reasons. I don't even want to talk about this and my fears surrounding it. The truth is, I'm pretty scared about posting about this at all, but really want to be able to write on here about my experiences.

Finally, and this is very important, I have friends for whom pregnancy is a very very difficult issue and I don't want to hurt them. On the other hand, when I was sick, I remember people tiptoeing around me on some things that I would rather have heard directly, so I don't want to be hurtful or unreasonable by holding back either. I think I've tried to communicate either directly or indirectly already with most of the people who read my blog who might be affected in that way. If not, I apologize. I know this is extremely sensitive. In fact, as I've been wondering for the past few months how I would write about this, that was the main thing I want to discuss, but for now I'd rather move on.

On the other hand, anyone who looks at me now can tell.

So in short, that is my news. I feel afraid to share it, but, as I said, there is just so much I want to write and so far, thank G-d thank G-d thank G-d, all has gone well so far.