Fever

Before ND was born, I expressed to a friend a general worry I was having based on all the scary things that other parents told me about.

This friend said something that made a lot of sense to me. She said, "When it's your child, you never mind doing anything you have to for them. What's hard is everything else you have to do."

I've been feeling that a lot lately, the constant sense of duty towards both work and ND. To be honest, I could do sometime (don't know how or when) with a break from both, just for a little while.

But Tuesday night was especially trying. I was trying to do a LOT of stuff and ND just wouldn't stop fussing. I ended up having to go to bed with her early and was grouchy because of it. I woke up at 2:30 AM, feeling her and groggily thinking that she felt as hot as U's laptop gets if you use it for too long without enough ventilation.

Introducing the first ND fever.

It has been scary although a pretty safe experience. I called the doctor in the middle of the night for guidance, and when we visited him the next day, he said her throat was red like... I can't remember what he said, something disturbing, like beef. It's just a virus she needs to work through, but it's painful to me to see her like that, and frustrating when I can't help her or myself.

When I stay home from work because I'm ill I feel really bad about it. But there is a certain sense or urgency for me about staying with her and instead of feeling guilty for not being at work, I think about how the administration has the responsibility to make sure that my class is covered. It helps me to know that both teachers next door were gone that day too. Harder on the school, but easier for me to accept that sometimes people just can't make it in to work.

Yesterday I spent much of the day working on school stuff anyway. ND had a good 3-hour nap that enabled that to happen. Last night I barely slept while caring for her, so today I need to give myself a little more rest time. But looming ahead is Sunday, parent-teacher conferences, and the truth is, I'm not ready.

Tomorrow I'll go in after school and work with my assistant a little on preparing, and the truth is, I feel I know more of my students better this year than in year's past. So I think it will be fine. I just don't want to find out on Sunday that I'm wrong.