Gratitude

I've been thinking now about what I really wanted to say in that last entry and I've found a new way to say it, I think.

There are many things that I have in this world, that not everyone has, that in fact I may not have always had, nor may I necessarily have them forever. I want to be grateful for all of them. I become distracted from doing this when I become bitter about other people's wealth.

Why do I feel bitter about it? I don't think it's that I want a Lexus or a mansion like so many people in this geographical area have, but I do become upset about how many parents can't make the choice to enjoy life with their children at home because they simply can't afford to be with them. It's been a major decision to decide to work part-time next year so that I not only don't go crazy with a hectic work life and a newborn, but also so I can enjoy it. I've seen others have to struggle with this same decision so often, and it's heartbreaking that it has to be this way. When people are struggling with this, it is insulting to see people who are fortunate to have wealth, display it so visibly by owning major things like cards and houses that look fancy, just so that they can.

On top of that, I'm learning just how small a salary people make when they work with children, and it's just not right.

That said, I've been working hard to redesign my work and home life. I have recently learned that between family and finances, you really can't have it all, but I'm trying to find a way to have as much as I reasonably can.

With that in mind, here are just some of the things I'm grateful for:

Even with worries about money, we are wealthier than most of the world and do not have to worry about starving.
We are healthy.
We are expecting good things.
We have supportive families.
That there is a "we."
I have the time, experience, inclination and discipline to do yoga and meditate daily.
I believe in God.
I believe that ultimately my life will make complete sense.
I believe that I have a personal mission (though I haven't completely named it) to fulfill. Currently this is being played out in a career that helps other people.
I have natural skill, patience and compassion for working closely with children.
I am following a career that uses that skill, patience and compassion.
I generally trust myself with words, both spoken and written when I know what I want to say.
I love to write and am skilled enough that others are interested in my work (and sometimes pay me for it).
I have a small but loyal blog-following.
My friends are good people.
I am a good and ethical person.
We have a spacious apartment in a safe and nice-looking area of the world.
I love and respect nature and live close enough to visit small patches of it.
I have free time.
I am able to sleep enough.
I have a Jewish community locally and friends that I can turn to elsewhere.

There is more, but it's time for me to daven instead of write about it further.