Here's What Happens

Why is it that I haven't been able to come to a resting place after all these months? Why isn't grieving enough? Why do I feel at war? Why can't I settle, resolute, in what I believe?

I keep going through some kind of process, trying to find my own absolute truth, and I keep getting kicked out of what I wish I knew. 

Here's an example:

Last night Kamala Harris met with Bibi Netanyahu and then gave a short speech. It was just about perfect. It held perfect truths. Though not her words exactly, here is what I glean from what she said and believes to be true:

-Israel was attacked mercilessly and has a right to to defend itself. 

-Also, Bibi Netanyahu has made highly problematic choices.

-There is a humanitarian crisis in Gaza. Innocent Palestinian civilians are suffering.

-We should not see this issue as a binary. It is more nuanced and more complex.

I wrote to some friends last night that this kind of perspective has the potential to get us actually talking to each other again.

And then I second guessed some of the rage I've been feeling. And I asked myself am I no longer the compassionate person I wish to be.

And then I saw a video of interviews with Palestinians on the street who say that the Jews should go back to Europe. When the interviewer reminds her they've been kicked out of nearly every country there is, she blames us for being bad people and causing ourselves to be kicked out. And another man reiterates the lie that rapes didn't happen.

And I saw a photo of one of the hostages whose murdered body was just recovered and someone had left a laughing emoji.

And I heard that an old college friend who was easygoing and so much fun to play Set with is continuing to post simplistic anti-Israel cartoons.

And I learned that a little get-together and vigil is being held at the France Olympics to mourn the loss of one of the terrorists who was killed after participating in the operation that kidnapped and murdered Israeli athletes in Munich, including castrating one of them in front of his teammates. 

And the Muslim-Jewish Sisterhood to which I devoted years of peace-building work -- getting trained, learning, leading -- has now twice ignored a carefully written letter of mine to voice my concerns. 

And on top of all that, I learn that Kamala's speech has now perhaps inadvertently derailed yet another hostage deal.

I'll quote a friend of mine who says that when the BLM movement took place, they said, "We shouldn't have to do the work. You do the work."

I've done so much work, and this is where I'm left. Who is doing the work on our behalf? What happens if I decide not to care anymore about what anyone else thinks?

My conscience will pull me back again, I know. It will worry I've missed something of who I am, of my heart. I will care. And then I'll get knocked back again. 

Old Friends

One of my summer goals is always to get together with old friends.

This is a lot more complicated this year.

“Hey! So great to talk to you? How’ve you been?”

“So nice to speak to you too! 

“Well, my people were raped, massacred and taken hostage by terrorists. The terrorists who did it simultaneously took great glee and pride in doing it and then convinced the west that it didn’t actually happen and also that it did but deserved it and not to listen to whiny Jews because none of us can be trusted and we control everything and the massacre was resistance and Jews were aggressors. 

“I don’t know what news you’ve heard or not heard and are open to and whether all along you’ve actually had unidentified anti-Israel bias or subtle and unidentified anti-Jewish assumptions and I don’t know whether this time we’ve set aside together for the next hour is going to be a catching up or a battleground and if I’m going to have to give you a history or geopolitical lesson and also my take on where Netanyahu is wrong but that Israel has no good options and that the IDF has done a great number of things to protect civilians and this matters to me greatly and involves centuries of trauma and of course I don’t want Palestinian babies killed etc. etc. etc.

“Also, NDR is graduating high school next year. How are you?”

Every day I think of friends I’d like to call but there is so much at risk if I make that move.

If you miss me, if you want to get together, please… call. When you do, let me know that you believe and accept my trauma and that I can talk about if I want to but that I don’t have to and that I don’t need need to justify my experience to you. Please treat me with the respect that you would of any friend who has suffered major loss or of any minority who is misunderstood. Please don’t be hurt if I don’t make the call myself. Please be brave and make it yourself instead.

A few questions

I have a few questions. 

I'm anxious about posting these publicly but without doing so they are rattling around in my head. I'm not even exactly sure whom I'm asking.

If you feel you can respond to any of these, and you'd like to have a sincere and respectful conversation, please message me privately and let's set up a time to actually speak... not text. 

1. If you are someone who thinks Jews are over-reacting to reports of Jew hatred, what would it take for you to consider them NOT to be over-reacting? An answer to this could be along the lines of either what hate actions go to far for you, or what Jews should be doing differently.

2. If you are someone who attends protests, what are you hoping to accomplish? Have you considered any unintended consequences to your attendance at those protests? If so, what have you done to offset those?

3. Have you considered the possibility that Jews do not actually support genocide? Follow-up question... do you see the harm in accusing them of such?