Many thoughts about the world, meditation, parenting, Judaism, pregnancy, teaching, cancer survivorship, moving from West Coast to East and more.

Friday, May 26, 2006

Omer Counting

During the 7 week from Passover to Shavuot we count the days. Each day has a special spiritual significance and is worth paying attnetion to. Today a friend of mine sent a link to a blog with its own special way of counting the omer.

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Wednesday, May 24, 2006

Like The End Of A Birthday

You know that feeling when you've been planning your birthday for awhile and you keep planning and replanning it and looking forward to it and then it goes pretty well and the sun goes down and it's been a good day?

I feel kind of like that today in a perverse sort of way.

This semester after we whined and complained enough we were given the option of taking a day off to write anecdotal report cards. Today was my day and I have almost doing all that I reasonably hoped to accomplish on them today. I also was able to go to a lovely bris this morning for twins (well, bris for one of them and a naming for his sister), take my car into the shop and go grocery shopping.

So sad... tomorrow it's back again. But so satisfied.

Oh... P.S. about a half hour after posting that entry... speaking of birthdays, my 30th is coming in less than a month. What did you do for your 30th? What do you suggest I do for mine? Hell, I live next to Manhattan now! If I can find the time during that last week of school, I can do all kinds of cool things! I've kind of got something in mind but it's not developed enough yet.

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Sunday, May 21, 2006

So much done!

I really can't believe how much I accomplished today. I'm exhausted. I've got SOOOOO many anecdotal report cards to write for school, and we're going to Pittsburgh next weekend and then my parents are coming to town and I don't want to be working on them then.

I'm over half way now and feeling optimistic about the rest. Just must keep brain clear before I start mixing my kids up!

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Saturday, May 20, 2006

Good Call

So I hope I'm not speaking too soon, but I felt totally healthy today. I think I just needed yesterday to rest up a bit. Ironically, when U. and I ate Shabbat dinner I related to him that I had written 1 1/2 anecdotals, cleaned the kitchen, the living room and vaccuumed in addition to grocery shopping and some cooking.

"You did a lot," he said.

Well yes, but I also got two long lie down naps and I think I would have been quite ill by the end of the day if I had gone in to work. Sitting down when you need to while teaching is sometimes just not an option.

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Friday, May 19, 2006

Didn't make it, but not too hard on myself

I think that talking about my health status on here probably isn't terribly interesting, but it does make a good record for me. It looks like my last post about my health was around April 10th. During Pesach break I slept a ton and I think part of it was still recovering from that cold and sinus infection. Afterwards I told myself I wanted to try to go 2 months without getting sick again. The idea was that I set a reasonable goal so that I didn't feel horrible about myself the next time I got sick. Well, today is May 19th and I'm home again. Just a little woozy with a runny nose.

I'm not surprised. For one, I ate way too much pizza on Tuesday which has lots of cheese and which always makes me a little more vulnerable. All that phlegm. Plus we're in the midst of anecdotal report cards which are very very very stressful. I have to write about 10 a week and they take about an hour or more each to write. I have a total of 32 to complete, plus there is a wedding coming up when we are going out of town, and then my parents will be IN town. So I'm working too hard.

So I don't feel guilty for being sick because it's obvious why I am and the anecdotals are not my fault. And besides, I get to catch up on them a bit while I'm home.

Finally, it's a Friday. Easy easy day. It's a shame to not be there when it's a fun, almost throwaway day anyway. But more important, I don't feel guilty about leaving my assistant alone to handle it.

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Thursday, May 18, 2006

Iran

I don't have time to be writing this but I'm making time, so I hope you'll look at the link I'm posting here. I'm so continually shocked and disgusted by Iran and now there is just one more woman's life on the line. Please sign this petition to save the life of a woman put in another no-win situation thanks to a bunch of bad bad men and their government.

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Sunday, May 14, 2006

We Drink Tea

Awhile ago the world went crazy with the Lazy Sunday Narnia Rap that I mentioned in December. Tonight I was just in the mood to watch it, but Google brought me to Wikipedia which further illuminates a number of the references in the rap and has links to "responses" to Lazy Sunday. By far my favorite is We Drink Tea. Please please please be prepared for some good-humored (or good-humoured) profanity and don't let your kids watch it with you or catch yourself singing the chorus afterwards in front of them.

Addition on May 14th around noon: One more thought about these videos... I always seem to have so much work on Sundays and the days creep by with not much interesting, maybe a quick walk at the Nature Center or a trip to the library or whatever. I tend to think others do way cooler stuff. But as I watch these videos, I see we kind of all are just having a lazy day, work or no work.

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Thursday, May 11, 2006

Blogcrossing

I feel like I've been neglecting the blog, but I guess it really hasn't been a week yet since my last entry.

Weird stuff in my blog world. A while back I abandoned my "anonymous" blog because I realized it wasn't giving me the sense of community I'd hoped to find there. I realized if I was going to write secret things I should do that in my private journal and that if I wanted community I should seek out people I actually know.

In any case, I recently commented as Evenewra on the blog of a person with whom I communicated through the anonymous blog. She figured out who I was because I repeated something on Brainsite that I'd said on the other blog. So then we emailed together a bit last weekend.

It was a little scary. I think she's the only person that I now know through both blogs. But she's not local, so I'm okay with it.

In any case, you may be interested to know that there are just 26 days left of school plus 3 teacher work days.

Aaaah.

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Sunday, May 07, 2006

Snakes On A Plane

If you haven't already heard about it, Snakes On A Plane is just what it sounds like, a movie about snakes on a plane that has not even been released yet. However, there's this thing now where tons of people are creating trailers for it including dialogue that the writers of the real movie are actually incorporating now into the movie itself. (Yes, that's how bad it probably is, that it needs that new dialogue.) There is also a contest for the best Snakes On A Plane song that will then be played during the closing credits. I have no interest whatsoever in watching the movie, but this is one of the funniest trailers I've ever seen.

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Saturday, May 06, 2006

Beckett

A great quote I received by Samuel Beckett:

"Ever tried. Ever failed. No matter. Try again. Fail again. Fail better."

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Thursday, May 04, 2006

Checkup

Saw my oncologist today for another checkup. All was good. That said, I realize my self-image as a cancer survivor seems to be evolving. I no longer feel such a need to tell people about my history although it certainly does come up at times and I still find myself writing poetry about it although I don't always intend to.

I also realize now just how wounded I still felt from the experience even around the time we moved here. Transitioning to a new place and job once again where people didn't know my history made me feel the need to scream it out to everyone, to have them realize that part of who I am was so profoundly shaped by this event I never chose.

I remember passionate urgent feelings. There was this party last year back in Vancouver and this woman there told me she was studying to be a nurse. I asked her what kind and she said she wanted to work on maternity because the patients are happy to be there.

Moments later I found myself saying in a very cocky tone, "Oh really, my impression is that oncology nurses are very well-liked by their patients. I would know..." etc. I remember feeling I was walking into something and the hostess later commented on it that it sounded weird to her.

I felt guilty for bringing up my cancer history as a sort of weapon that night, but later dissected it and didn't feel so bad. I felt so ANGRY to hear this person so innocently misunderstanding how the world really works. After all, as soon as she brought up maternity ward I instantly thought of a good friend of mine who had a stillborn child but then refused to be moved to another ward. SHE wasn't happy to be there.

Look, the world is not pink and happy everywhere. It's filled with grief that makes joy so much more profound and complete. I'm sorry if I was confrontational towards the woman at that party, but I also hope her initiation into the real world isn't too terribly shocking.

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Wednesday, May 03, 2006

What a teacher/guilt-inducer!

So today was Yom Ha'Atzmaut (Israeli Independence Day) and we had a huge celebration at school. The second graders made falafel.

One child who I will call E. took off her rings and laid them on the disposable tablecloth. After she'd rolled falafel she went to wash her hands and then came back for her rings. I saw her do this.

Later we asked her to come again and she did a second batch. But by the time she returned from the bathroom, the tablecloths had been rolled up and thrown away.

I discovered this when I found my supervisor pulling the tablecloth out of the garbage and sorting through it for the rings. No luck. So the supervisor walked away.

I felt so bad for E. that while she searched on the ground in case it had fallen into the gravel, I took it upon myself to GO THROUGH THE GARBAGE. Mind you, there was nothing in it but scraps from food preparation, no people germs, but it was still rather gross. No sign of the rings.

I finally went to E. and asked "Are you sure didn't put them in your pocket?"

I'm sure you can guess the end of the story. She smiled at me beautifully when she found it. I'm glad they were there. I really am.

I couldn't resist a good guilt-inducing line though.

"I just want you to know," I said, "That I did just go through the garbage for you. I hope you realize that." She said sorry. I said it was fine.

What a guilt-inducer I can be.

Truthfully, most good guilt-inducing comes from people going out of their way for people when it really isn't necessary. I didn't have to go through that garbage, but I do feel self-righteous that I did.

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