Many thoughts about the world, meditation, parenting, Judaism, pregnancy, teaching, cancer survivorship, moving from West Coast to East and more.

Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Revision to "Hardly Any"

So now some obsession is back... maybe not as bad as in the past.

But whatever I had that knocked me out when I wrote "hardly any"... I still seem to have. I missed another day of work on Monday, the day after Purim. And again several other days and parts of days throughout last week and this one.

This is a big week. I had parent-teacher conferences on Monday night and have them again tonight. Yesterday I felt fine in the morning, but whoozy by afternoon. Monday I came to school late and went home early (and pale, I'm told) before coming back for conferences. Didn't go in at all today as my throat has started swelling, and it's never good for me to teach like that if I want to get through the day.

I think I'm ok for tonight though. Maybe unrealistically optimistic about tomorrow.

Am I worried? I guess. A lot? No. I'll get through it. I just don't like it.

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Monday, March 21, 2011


We've been doing some goal-setting in our house lately. And U. invited ND to join in. He asked if she'd like to set a goal for herself and earn herself a prize. In the end, we chose the goal... a series of days of eating a salad each day. This is just to help increase vegetable intake and, hopefully, help her like more options.

So far so good. She has only 4 days left, and her prize is sitting in a box in my office. The prize she asked for, a casheshesher. A picture of the one we ordered is below:

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Thursday, March 10, 2011

Hardly Any

Home sick today. Felt hardly any guilt about it. After all, I've had a much healthier year and I went in yesterday only to find myself so fatigued I needed to leave by afternoon.

That doesn't mean I didn't obsess today. I spent plenty of time wondering whether I should be sleeping, writing, watching a movie, starting Shabbos cooking, doing yoga. Plenty.

But no guilt. At least, hardly any. That's progress.

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We have a problem at our house.

ND says she doesn't want to unmake her bed to get into it because it look so beautiful with the blankets "flat." She prefers to sleep on top of the blankets. I agreed she's allowed to as long as she will take other blankets on top of her.

I hope when she's older and living on her own that she will come over sometimes to help clean house for me.

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Sunday, March 06, 2011


I've been thinking of writing an actual article about this... consider this a brief draft.

As a parent I have discovered that a sure way to make for an incomplete, dissatisfying or downright distressing evening is through too much multitasking. Well, multitasking of the wrong sort anyway. I can cook and interact with ND, but I can't do anything school related. It's been a blessing for me as, when I come home, I devote that time to her and my household instead of work. This has been as good for me as for her.

Multitasking takes us out of the moment. It works against anything inside us that is trying to be present at all and to actual enjoy what is transpiring or what we are doing (however mundane).

I hate iphones and the like because of this. I hate being in a room of people while some small part of them is wired out of the room and away from me.

There is one small exception to this.

U. got an ipod Touch recently. It's mostly been a little less useful to us than we had hoped. Fun to have, but definitely a toy rather than a tool at this point. We've gradually developed some rules or routines about when to use and when not to, because we don't want it getting in the way of our family interactions.

So it has been a lovely surprise to find one way in which it actually brings me closer to people. My parents and half-brother live 3000 miles away. I talk to my parents once or twice a week, although often it's hard to know what to talk about. I talk to my brother far less frequently. I would prefer to be with them, sharing an activity, but that is seemingly impossible at this distance.

Now here's the thing... There is a game on our i-gadgets called Words With Friends. It's basically Scrabble that you can play long-distance. It is now a part of my weekly routine to be engaged in a game with any one of them... sometimes multiple games. And when I play a word while on the exercise bike in the morning, or right after dinner in the evening, I'm interacting, however briefly. Sometimes, too, U. and I conspire together, helping to figure out what move to make, and sometimes we let ND actually move those letters onto the "board."

It can become addictive, and I have to be careful I don't jump away from my immediate family mid-conversation when I hear that little chime go off on the iPod, telling me it's my turn. We have to keep each other in check sometimes. But I have to admit, this is one time when this little home-wrecking piece of metal is bringing me closer to someone, instead of further away.

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