It's Not About Me

I just finished an anecdotal deadline, have to get up early for a meeting, am exhausted, the place is a mess, and I'm going to put off grocery shopping until tomorrow. (I opted for doing the shopping and am leaving U. with kitchen cleaning. Brings a whole new meaning to "fair trade.")

So naturally, I'm blogging instead of going to bed.

Just a quick note... my assistant's fiance was recently diagnosed with leukemia. It's very jarring for everyone of course. She's handling it well.

I, on the other hand, keep wanting to talk about me and my experiences. I don't like that tendency. I want to be helpful without needing to talk about myself. I think this is a sign of my not being completely healed from the experience yet. I suppose if I were, I wouldn't feel the same urgency to retell it.

I'm trying not to be critical of myself about this. Just be aware and sensitive to it. I can always listen to her, then go tell my story somewhere else if I have to.

Imagine That

ND started on solids about a month ago. Just cereals. Since that time I have noticed her going for days at a time without a bowel movement. People said that I shouldn't let her go more than 3 days without a movement and when I called the doctor's office, the nurse told me to give her prune juice. Since the prune juice, the poor thing sometimes would wake up in the night and cry from the gas, but still no movement. At the end of a few days like this, we get a movement which, like this morning, look very very big and yucky and come after a few hours of ND looking very serious, not her usual self.

So at our actual appointment today, the doctor (who is about to move to California to start up her own holistic children's yoga and health center) said, "Has anyone told you that by this age, children who still exclusively breastfeed incorporate the nutrition so thoroughly into their body that they often go for days without a bowel movement?"

It's a damn good thing that the only remedy I used on her was a little juice. I have no intention of fixing her when she is not broken, but by writing this entry I hope to fix the broken information I was given.

Take Me Out Of The Stroller

I'm currently accepting submissions to help me complete this song that we began yesterday. To the tune of "Take Me Out To The Ballgame:"

Take Me Out Of The Stroller

Take Me Out Of The Stroller
Take Me Out Of Here Now

I don't want to be here any more.
I would rather play on the floor.

Goodbyes

In a way I feel I have nothing of consequence to say here today, but I really don't want too much time to go by without an entry.

In any case, you'd think I have a ton to say because I've been so busy. After all, my parents were here for all of Shavuot and stayed through yesterday. We went to the Bergen County zoo that I've mentioned before and just don't have time to link to right now, as well as going, yesterday, to the American Museum Of National History for our first time. One of the highlights of all that was watching ND discover ice water in a glass.


It was hard, as always, to say goodbye to my parents. I did it while U. was running the car outside the museum garage as my parents prepared to catch a taxi to JFK airport. Meanwhile, ND was crying hysterically in the car. (She did that on the way there too, and there I was sitting in the backseat with her as she stretched her little arms out for me to pick her up and there was nothing I could do...)

In any case, it's always hard to say goodbye with such a distance. But what I've become more aware of recently is just how fearful I am of loss. I worry about losing any part of my family in all sorts of horrible ways. I don't know why I always think so morbidly. The benefit is that I learn to appreciate each moment, but the downside is that each moment feels so weighty. I want to make a change with this. I'm working on accepting each moment in addition to appreciating. It helps me feel more flexible about bobbing along down this metaphorical stream of life, instead of grabbing desparately at each metaphorical rock or blade of grass along the way.

Besides, this weekend my grandparents celebrated their anniversary. How many years? Did my mom say it was 67? That's more than twice the time I've been alive. If they can do that, all kinds of wonderful things are possible.

Guest Contribution

Between getting ready for Shavuot, writing anecdotals, getting food poisoning (or maybe a virus) and preparing for my parents' visit, I haven't had much time to blog here, but I have here. If you read it, you'll see I have an ulterior motive in writing it.

Mother's Day

...and my 450th post as well.

It's 10 PM on Sunday night and I haven't done the work for school that I need to do. I've done my planning for the week, but I have work to do on *gasp* anecdotals (anecdotal report cards). The first 4 are due on Tuesday.



In any case, I thought that having a baby would mean less time to have fun. But in a way, it just means being more efficient with my time (and having an even messier apartment). We went today to the New York Botanical Garden. We had a wonderful time although it took awhile to get a hang of the park. There's so much ground to cover. It felt like we spent the first two hours just trying to figure out where we were, and where we were headed. There are long paths between garden areas so you kind of have to plan your priorities, and we misread the map in a few places. Also, ND was hungry and tired so we had to stop a lot at first until she fell asleep, and it was a little tricky to navigate the stroller. I would have preferred just wearing her in my sling the whole way, but my back is kind of a mess right now. (Yay chiropractor tomorrow!)

In any case, it was really lovely. We had the most fun in the greenhouses. And then at the end, we hit the "rock garden" which actually cost an extra $1.00 each. But I loved that part a lot. It actually made me sad. It was so petite and delicate... lots of tiny plants like lady's slippers and clematis (my favorite flower). Several corners of it made me feel very homesick for other gardens I've loved in the past.



Big is not always better, and I found myself aching during our whole visit for Van Dusen Gardens in Vancouver which is a fifth of a size of today's garden, but still is a lot of ground to cover. I also miss waterfalls and corners of forests in Oregon. Today as we walked past a creek I realized just how infrequently these days I get to walk past creeks. They feel to me like the very veins of the Northwest, but here you have to travel to find them.



In any case, it was a good day. I'm tuckered out, grateful to have my first mother's day from BOTH the receiving and the giving end, and have to finish up my work for school now.

PU Stinky

Almost every new development of ND's is bittersweet. On one hand look at the neat new thing she can do. On the other, wave goodbye to earlier days.

I have to say, though, that I'm not so crazy about this new phase of diapering now that she's on solids. The diaper we just changed was pretty awful.

Lag B'Omer

We have silly and annoying patterns in our home about not planning our Sundays very well. I had in mind originally that I had LOTS AND LOTS of work to do Sunday. But then once Sunday came, I really wanted to go to the Israel Day Parade like last year. It's such a schlep to go to the city and we didn't know if it would pay off. So, desperate to have fun, we went shopping instead for some things we really needed...

...including my new camera...





(And yes, I needed it. The other one has been outdated for a long long long time. But this week it just plain DIED.)

Weird Mood

I've been in a weird mood lately. All last week I felt really stressed, worried too. I thought it was around a project I needed to complete as well as the many interactions I had to have with adults and colleagues. (I'm my best when just dealing directly with kids and sometimes their parents.) I just had a great Shabbat, but now that it's over I feel worryish and I'm not sure whether it's about anything in particular. I can pin it on lots of things, but I think I would feel if even if the circumstances were different. Is this allergies? Is this being back at school for 2 months now?

Normally Saturday night is my most important writing night. I discussed a piece on the phone wtih a friend, but that's all I've done. I just can't focus.

Tomorrow if I can just get organized...

I Admit It

I'm a show-off.

Professional Development Afternoon. I was able to sneak away between meetings and pick up my baby. She would have been quiet and slept through the second meeting if all the teachers hadn't oohed and aahed so loudly over her when I brought her in.

Try This

Mix up some oatmeal in a bowl. Have a friend serve it to you by spooning it into your mouth.

Now, here's the challenge... how the heck can you get it on the BACK of your neck?!