High School SAT scores

Oh spring. It comes with so much promise and then becomes such a time over multitasking that it's very hard to stay on track with any projects started before Pesach.

Well, today on this Memorial day weekend I returned to my Marie Kondo work for the first really good chunk of time in a while. I'm up to the stage of getting rid of papers, and our office floor has been covered for months now with all of my files, letters, papers etc. from old school work, to bills, to drafts of my writing, letters and more.

This is just a sampling.
There is more, so much more!

It's been very slow going. While I've put in a few minutes here and there I feel like I have an emotionally easy enough time sorting through old medical things or bills, but when it comes to the more personal things I'm not sure what to do. Today I opened a bag of old letters from all different people in my life. All of them -- all of them -- felt painful in some way. I suppose at least in part it's because these letters are from my college years when I was scared about the future, unsure of where I was going, that these are hard to look at. I read a few, then couldn't take it anymore, but decided at least for now to to keep them. These are part of my history and I haven't decided yet whether I need to let this history go, or if I need the story available to be retold. Just don't know.

Then I found a file of my old SAT scores, report cards etc. I went to show some of it to U. Maybe it's partly because I was sharing it that I had the reaction that I did. I flipped through page after page of reports from teachers I had, both those I liked and those I didn't like, and classes that I was good at and classes that were hard. Sure, the ones I liked best had the drop down comment, "talented", but there were comments too about incomplete work, not following directions, poor test scores even on a take-home test and finally I just started to cry. Reading these little slips I started to feel the crushing pressure of all these adults judging me according to what they wanted from me and they were things that didn't show who I was. The only reports that felt safe were from band class and writing class. But physics, math, even Spanish and AP English, I wasn't what they wanted to be.

Since becoming a teacher I have always reflected back on myself as having been a pretty good student. I wasn't labeled with a disability. I didn't misbehave (much). Yes, I was stubborn, but usually the teachers I think of fondly thought past that. So it's taken an act of imagination to see what it might be like for children that really really struggle in school.

Now, though, I see that I was being judged and that so many people saw me not living to my potential or, maybe more accurately, not living up to theirs. In this report card writing season I'm now seeing my own relationships with students in a new light. The judgement we put on them is very very powerful.

The good news for myself is that as I've gone through my files I've found some good things too. I love my letters of recommendation, cards from people I know love me and results of some of my most recent work in adulthood. What a relief to be an adult now and too feel OK with whom I am and what I do. What a relief to not having to be figuring out who I am from scratch anymore.

So the professional question to leave this with... how can we as teachers and parents make our children and students feel appreciated the way I do from those good letters and not crushed with the judgement I felt in my report cards. 

Quick Kondo update

Looks like when I'm all done with the books (still not there yet) I'll be for sure saying goodbye to more than 200 books. Maybe around 300.

That's a lot of weight to be lifted and space to be discovered.

Continuing Kondo

By Kondo, I mean of course Marie Kondo's plan for my house to feel magical.

Purging enormous piles of books today.

One of the trickier areas... I have lots of textbooks from teaching. I look at them and see the enormous wealth of knowledge contained, many of which might be very useful. The fact is, though, that I never open them. It's not doing any good on the shelf, and the idea of me re-reading them is unrealistic. Bye books.

Too Scattered

My last post was about my love of writing and how much I am getting into it.

I've kind of fallen off the wagon again. I am just so overwhelmed with so many things I want to do and on top of that am so surrounded by STUFF that I can't clear my head.

So now I have just finished reading that book that everyone is reading too, The Life-Changing Art Of Tidying Up. Ideally I suppose I would have just read it and then waited to get started on her process when I have more time. However, I don't think I'll ever have more time. Further, I can't concentrate right now because of how much there is all around me.

Part of what I mean by this is not just my usual daily clutter. A few weeks ago U. installed lovely new petite corner shelves to take the place of some bulky ones we'd had in the living room. So all the books came out. Those books are now piled on my office floor along with others I've been rounding up for this "pick out only the books that really spark joy" session that will start as soon as I've finished the clothing round that Kondo recommends starting with.

Last week I tackled my closet and dresser for three hours. Those two locations are now the calmest in our private living space. I still have a pile of scarves and shoes to get through... if I can just get the time.

Writing Fire

I did it. I spent almost every day of November writing for at least 15 minutes every day. The one day I missed, I made up the next day with double time.

Most of what I wrote was towards the goal of revising the novel I drafted in 2013 during Camp Nanowrimo. I had taken a year off from that process during 2014-2015 and have been gung-ho to return since my WAC (writersandcritters) writers' retreat in spring of 2015.

So I was feeling great at the end of November, proud of my stick-to-it-ness and thinking if I kept up the pace I could get through the entire draft again by summer.

Then the first Saturday night of December I sat down at my desk and I felt my heart start to race and my stomach to clench. This was ridiculous. To finish a novel with any quality at all at 15 minutes a day? For one thing, I also need to parent, stick to my goals of regular yoga and meditation, other short writing projects that I feel driven to write, another project due in July (to be discussed later - related to my 40th birthday), a healthy amount of exercise and, uh cleaning and, oh wait, yeah, I also teach 30 hours a week not mentioning prep. time, tutoring and my additional role this year as a mentor for new teachers in my grade.

Even 15 minutes every day is too stressful.

To do it with depth is ridiculous.

So I tried a new take. First of all, I took a break from the novel. WAC expects me to submit two writing samples and four critiques of other people's samples every month. However, they take two weeks off at the end of December. So with the freedom of nothing due, I sat down last Friday and wrote... just wrote, by hand, in a notebook that no one will see but me. I write by hand rarely because it's less efficient when I'm ready to submit something, but now I had fallen out of love with writing and I needed to get back in. To love a person it really helps to actually be in the same room with them and not remove yourself with a screen.

(I'm not even going into what I've learned as a special education teacher about the different neurological process of forming letters and words by hand instead of by typing.)

That Shabbat instead of reading a novel I flipped through Writing Down The Bones by Natalie Goldberg for the first time in years, and began rereading cover to cover from my favorite writing book, Bird By Bird by Anne Lamott.

I wrote again Saturday night, and then again Sunday morning, finishing one draft that I hope to look at and maybe revise, but maybe I won't as I don't know yet what's there.

A writer friend said we are defined by the things we do every day... so to say you are a writer you must write every day. However, I'm a teacher too, and don't show up to work on weekends. I certainly don't want to be the kind of person who romantically claims to be a... a writer... and never writes anything, but even when I can't write, I know that ultimately I will have to write. I just have to. So even if I quit for days, weeks, even months at a time, I will come back to it.

I will not necessarily come back to other things I've thought I was: bicyclist, basket maker, musician. I like to bike and make baskets and play music, but they are not in my blood. I only dabble. I don't ask or need them to be part of my identity.

So right now I'm trying to compartmentalize my week a bit. Instead of spending a little of every day on all of the things I love, I'm trying to group some things and weekday activities and some as weekend. It's not as easy as it sounds. My physical and mental health depend on daily yoga and meditation, and the weekend gets very full with everything else that can't happen during the work week, like laundry. However, I think I really can spend some more real time on writing on the weekend, at least for now. Some other things will suffer, no doubt, but right now this isn't negotiable. I have to do this. If I can pour my writing more into Friday through Sunday, I think I can do it better. If some of it is for show and some of it is not, I'm entering writing headspace again. If I can maybe jot down something during the week that writer's see, then I'm tapping it too.

One final note, halfway through my writing this blog post I had to take a break to go to a friends' birthday party. Someone at the party remarked that she used to have hobbies but just haven't time in this stage in her life.

I started to feel a little guilty, that I can do this and she "can't." And I'm not judging anyone else's choices, but I just need to be clear. Writers have to write, however they do it, even if it means having a messier house or leaving parties earlier or getting up extra early or even only devoting certain weeks of the year to their craft. We just have to. How other desperate writers make this happen is their business.

This is how I'm handling it right now.

Time

Amazing article by Anne Lamott on finding time to write and for other creative pursuits. In short, this is an article on how to live.

Reflection on reflection

I haven't had so much time to blog or Facebook since I've been back... and it's good. I only have 2 weeks until I'm back to work and I'm shifting into an understanding that I can either spend a lot of time journaling about everything (which I want to do) or I can just do things (which I also want to do.) I'm trying very much to leave, flowing with the stream of doing what I can but not grabbing onto too many things that I think I have to do.

I've also felt less desire to be public since I published my book. Kind of wanted to hide since then, although I'd like to sell more copies too. And I really do want to do more readings... later.

Planning or Worrying

It's Tu B'Shvat, the New Year for the trees.

The sap is rising quietly and the sun is starting to actually melt the snow, instead of just make an appearance.

We're over halfway through the schoolyear.

It occurs to me that the first half of the year, while stressful and busy, contains a certain amount of security. The goal is to establish things as well as possible before that Winter Break.

Now we're finishing up, in a certain way. It's a marathon to the end and I already know most of what I'm teaching.

Which means summer is coming too. And around here, many people's summer plans are already set by now.

So I'm feeling a sense of panic...

-over things I wish I could do differently this school year, such as doing a book log that we've only just invented and that I don't feel like starting now, and like having better writing instruction.
-over what to do this summer... trip to Portland? trip with U? both? do my camp as well?

I'm taking a sick morning and just did the restorative Hatha flow on myyogaonline. It did bring me just a little bit back to the present... help me remember to take one day at a time.

Teaching Log Etc.: Reflection

Yesterday we had after school meetings. Each grade met with either the next grade up or the one before to compare notes on curriculum.

At one point during our meeting we were discussing how to get parents involved with reading to their children more... for the purpose of enjoying reading more than ratcheting up skills. I proposed that before conferences we send home a reflection questionnaire, or during conferences we "help" parents figure out the best times in their busy schedules to do this in order to emphasize the importance.

I made the statement: "We all need more opportunities for reflection: Teachers, students and parents."

Everyone had a good laugh. I'm friends with them so I didn't feel humiliated, just let-down. "Oh, Evenewra, they said (with my real name) their just isn't time for that." Same as they might say about the fact that I try to eat a big breakfast each morning, do yoga etc. All those things I really work at doing.

My inner voice used to say, "Oh, you'll have to give that up once you're a mom." So far I've had to plan more carefully, but haven't had to give up anything.

It's true that limited time is a very big issue, but how that time is spent is flexible. Another teacher on my team did remember that before conferences I had my students do a self-reflection which we then showed the parents and was a jumping-off point for conferences. For some it was like, "Oh, isn't that cute?" For others we said, "Wow, under 'When I need help I go to...' he wrote 'no on.'" Is that true? Does he never ask for help? How can we help him learn to get help?

I told myself last night that I would get up early to get all of my important work done this morning like cleaning etc., but I'm taking a few minutes here because I feel agitated about the idea of not taking time to process all the information we work at so hard everyday. How can we NOT make time to reflect? Why waste hours in our lives and work, teaching and learning bits and pieces that will never go below the surface?

Today is my "schmooze" at school. The most important thing here is to discuss what position I want next year. But I'm tempted to bring up professional development too. Our last professional development day provided a list of 3 workshops we could attend. The two I went to were both technology based. One was about using a technology that the school can't afford to put in my classroom. (Useless). The other was about using power point. The best I can figure out to use it for is to spice of my lectures... if I gave lectures! The night was useless to me.

What if instead it had been like the old grad school days where we would sit and reflect and write in journals about our own memories from school, or we would be asked pointed questions that helped us reveal hidden prejudices towards our kids etc. I miss using writing to get to deep and meaningful revelations. (I had a reputation in my cohort for doing this to excess. In my time there I filled two composition books with notes from the classroom.)

Anyway, time IS limited. So off to my day. Thank G-d I took these 15 minutes to write here. I could have been doing youtube instead!

No New Clothes Update: Score!

I got an email yesterday from a friend in Portland asking me if I wanted her to find some clothes for me and mail them out here. I was very grateful for the offer. As it is, I'm considering visiting a Goodwill on the condition that I only buy what I set out to buy before I walk in. No easy task.

But as I explained to my friend, I'm still not convinced that I don't already have what I need buried in my closet.

A while back I bought a very very nice blue skirt that turned out to be too small. I was unable to return it because apparently it was part of a set which I hadn't realized and I didn't have the jacket to return too. (I suppose I paid too much for as it as a result, but it was so long ago, I'm not sure.) For whatever reasons, I've been feeling fairly fit recently and decided to give it a shot.

So this morning it fits! I know this won't always be the case. Probably can't wear it to fancy dinners where I plan to eat a lot, but I certainly can manage it sometimes. I think I'll start using it for things like Shabbat or parent-teacher conferences, and I can downgrade some of my other clothes for that purpose into everyday use.

I just don't want to have to downgrade things that need dry cleaning. I have a few really nice things I could wear to work more often, but they're going to get dirty, and I get to the cleaners about twice a year! Any advice on cleaning woolen skirts on your own?

No New Clothes Update: At Least This is IT...

Update on the Fish Oil Debacle:

U. took our best stuff to the cleaners and learned that it's just plain ruined. I need to throw a lot of it out.

In there is an outfit my mom made for ND... the cute blue and green outfit you see in 11 Things That is now in a big plastic container, SOAKING in white vinegar. After 24 hours I'll rinse it, hand wash it, then try washing again with baking soda.

Then maybe it will be ok.

But I think the rest has to go. We've already thrown out a lot... mostly underwear, socks, a towel I think and two baby blankets (including one with ND's name sewn on it.)

Other casualties:

• My best black work skirt. It was after I bought this skirt this fall that I felt I could go a year without buying new clothes.
• My black denim skirt... another of the clothes I use every week at work.
• Pair of jeans my mom handed down to me. Darn. They were a good fit. At last she gave me more than one pair.
• A tablecloth my mom gave us... beautiful purple... in honor or our new dining room table. Wow, my mom gives us a lot of good stuff! The only comfort with that is for some reason it was wrinkling badly, something she noticed when she was here. Something to do with the special material it was out of that it probably won't lie flat again anyway.
• Two nursing shirts... one that I only wore at home on Shabbat because it wrinkled funny and one that was a little too big in the neck. Maybe this is for the best.
• BOTH my pairs of sweatpants. This is sad. I don't have any others.
• 2 gDiapers. The good news here is that while searching for that link to put on here, I found there are some cheap and used on eBay. Also, I could get some of the new and improved ones. My commitment to not buy new clothes was for me, not for ND.
• 2 nice long sleeve t-shirts, one purple, one green.
• A long and wonderful black vest. Perfect for when I needed more continuity from my top to my bottom half or just a little more black to subdue some other bright color.
• My orange Vancouver shirt... bought on our first visit there when I was FREEZING and we were at the aquarium.
• Also in Vancouver I bought a jacket. This jacket had a liner that could be unzipped and be worn as just a sweatshirt. That sweatshirt/liner is now history.
• A very cute black shirt and a pair of overalls of ND's.

Sigh. Sigh sigh sigh.

I'm still not going to cave just yet to get new things. I might stick to getting used, or not full price or something. Undecided as of yet. In a way, this situation really furthers my cause of reducing my closet use and helping me pinpoint what clothes I really need and want to have, versus complete clutter.

No New Clothes Update: The Fish Oil Adventure

In No New Clothes I wrote about not buying any new clothes for the year. There have been interesting developments:

1. I lost my small gloves. I have big thick huge ones, but it's too hard to use my keys, get out the stroller etc. with those. So I caved and bought a double-pair for $1.49. I probably could have gotten some from Freecycle, but I was RIGHT THERE at Target.

2. And this one is embarrassing... Fish oil. I have discovered that Fish Oil is a wonderful thing. I take it medicinally to help with mood swings. About a week and a half ago, I bought a nice big jar of it. $50 worth, in fact. While getting it out of the car I dropped the jar and it burst on the street. Just like that. I was pretty upset about it, but I also realized there's no point in crying over spilled fish oil. So I was ready to let it go.

However, there was a shirt of Naomi's in the bag with the oil. And a really cute one too. It was green with a v-top and a little white undershirt sewn in. I realized that since it was soaked in fish oil I should probably throw it away, but it was a really cute shirt.

On top of that, my sense of smell has been shot for the past two weeks since I had this cold from which I have not completely recovered yet. So I didn't realize it reeked and tossed it into the wash... with everything else. Two loads worth.

We've washed it over half a dozen times, with soap, vinegar, baking soda, lemon juice, Pine Sol etc. So far, not much improvement.

Last summer when we had some major water damage I was actually relieved to get rid of some stuff even though I was upset about some of the loss. Same thing applies here. We've thrown out a lot, including that cute green shirt.

But some of U's best shirts, and my favorite skirt, and a bunch of ND's gDiapers are in there too! I still can't smell a thing, but U' says they still stink and we're not ready to toss them. Think we'll take them to a cleaners next.

I'll let you know if I have to buy any new stuff as a result. So far I'm still resisting. Besides for my pledge, we both HATE shopping.

No New Clothes

It's been about three months since I've bought any new clothes. Ordinarily this would not be surprising as I hate shopping. But this has been a deliberate choice. Since around Rosh Hashanah I've decided to try and go a whole year with no new clothes.

Inspiration for this has included:

-Around September I spent more than I should have on a total splurge outfit that I didn't need from a breastfeeding clothes company.

-I had a conversation with a friend about Freeganism that intrigued me.

-I've been grateful to hardly have to buy a single scrap of clothing for ND ever thanks to the abundant gifts, loans and hand-me-downs of clothes that she outgrows so quickly anyway.

-I'm concerned about waste and consumerism in general.

-I'm tired of how cluttered our apartment feels.

-And most of all... I've read so many stories of people who simply weren't drowning in all the stuff they needed in the world. I know that shoes, for example, were a very precious resource for my grandmother growing up, and I know that in the past people actually valued their special clothes and were grateful to them. I don't get to experience that often because I can have anything I want any time, pretty much.
Maybe not designer quality, but I've never been desperate just to have a coat to stay warm, for example, the way a homeless person might.

My hope is that I would be able to prevent impulse-buying and learn to appreciate my belongings more.

It's starting to pay off. Now that the cold is here I'm discovering I really only have 2 sweaters and 2 warm vests that I can wear to work. Otherwise I have to layer.

Practically speaking, this is plenty. But fashion-wise, it would be nice to have some more. I'm quite enjoying the wanting right now at least as much as I'll enjoy buying something in a year or, better yet, stumbling onto something on Freecycle.

Also thinking about getting a new robe and maybe some tall boots.

In the meantime, as much as I keep wanting a new pair of slippers, I'm making better use than I have in ages of my thick wool socks. Appreciating them like I never did before.

P.S. Please don't take pity on me and send me stuff!

Water Damage

As I've been saying, I've been struggling with my priorities and with finding time to write. And by finding time to write, I mean on projects I can sell or on one or two personal projects which basically involve anthologizing all my stuff.

Three inspiring things today makes me want to find time again, although I still just don't know how.

Thing 1: Sunday is the day that Aish goes live each week with new articles. One in particular this week got me to thinking.

Thing 2: I started an article awhile ago that I really care about. But before moving forward with it, I wanted to get an old and dear friend's "permission." I'd like to publish it ultimately, but didn't want to invest too much time on it if she's not okay with me writing about her. We spoke today and she cleared it.

Thing 3: Went to our storage room in the basement today to pull out some things for a garage sale through our shul and to find books I can take to my classroom and organize this week. I hadn't realized that we had some serious water damage in one corner of the room. One box was almost totally destroyed. This contained all of my flute and piano music, my vinyl children's records, and a few other picture books. The pictures below of are the two items I'm saddest about losing.




Next to that box was one labeled "creative writing". It hard far less damage, but some mildew ate its way through a few sheets and rusted some staples on old writing. I spent some time going through the pile and of course couldn't bring myself to throw anything away. I really want to archive all of it. I moved it to a new box and separated the moldiest stuff so it won't infect the nicer stuff.

I think my new attitude is that I will try not to force myself nightly to work on these things, but will accept that sometimes I want to write and sometimes I don't. Disciplined writers don't talk that way. They force themselves daily. But I just don't think I can afford that right now time-wise and emotion-wise. I'd rather trust myself to WANT to do it sometimes, and to find away when those times come. As it is, I have two specific writing goals by the end of the summer, and I bet I can meet them. I will get to them after I finish my meditation website which is another major goal.

Summer Lifestyle

I've been reflecting on what summer time means for me as a teacher. It's a complete lifestyle change. Life slows down.

The hardest thing when I'm not working (and some summers I do work) is becoming used to unstructured time. Time changes completely, moves forward without the adrenaline that usually pushes me through a day from one task to the next. It feels lonely and silent sometimes. I often beat myself up for not being productive.

But now that I'm looking back at this first week of break, I really accomplished quite a lot, even with ND here all the time.

For one, I accomplished spending a lot of quality time with her. During the schoolyear I'm particularly grateful that I am off in the mornings, because then I can focus on her before the day's work kicks in. By evening I'm usually thinking about schoolwork I need to do, even if I know I can't do it until she's asleep. I still think during the day about the work I have or want to do, but part of the very reason I chose not to take a job this summer is to be with her and to not have to pay someone else to watch her. I'm trying to use that well. Besides, I don't think I could have gotten over the hump of returning to work if I hadn't known an end was in sight.

I'm also doing a lot of other things that I value in the areas of writing and some environmental activism that I'll talk about in another entry.

But also, I'm CLEANING. Don't underestimate this. Our living room and dining area look really nice right now and I'm able to maintain it. I even sweep the area every few days right now. This is not an easy thing for me. It may sound simple, but we often just don't have time to do it. I'm wondering if I can teach myself to clean up after myself more efficiently. But first I have to finish organizing my office, bedroom, closets and storage... all jobs that I need a summer to tackle.

Finally, everything is so much quieter. I don't know how to explain why. I go for walks. I'm in the car less. I'm alone a lot (except of course for ND.) So I hear the world around me. It makes me think of when monks take vows of silence. I can see how it would pay off. It's not that I'm not speaking, it's that I'm hearing more than I usually do.

OM (Organize Me) III: Time Record

Today I started timing how long I spent on school work. (5 1/2 hours today alone) Also keeping track of blog time, house work and writing time. It certainly makes me more conscious of how I send my time. I think it will annoy me soon.

Just had some more writing time. I'm back to work tomorrow. Hard to get into work again after a long break. (Hard after a short one too.)

Writing Addiction

I've always said that the reason I have such a fast typing speed (I once tested at almost 90 wpm) is that in high school I was an obsessive journaler.

That seems to be the case lately as well between this blog and my SECRET one.

On Shabbos especially though I realize just how much other writing I need and want to do... so many projects that take a lot more work than a simple entry and that could eventually earn me a little money and fame.

So I'm going to try to be disciplined and do that now instead of this... tonight at least. (Saturday night is my one designated writing night currently and that doesn't necessarily mean more than a half an hour's work.)

On that note though, the author who most inspires me right now is Anne Lamott. Author of "Bird by Bird," one of the best books about writing, she's totally inspiring me right now with her book Traveling Mercies.

See now, that entry took about 8 minutes. I could have written a poem in that time, including creating links. But I get much quicker gratification with this.

OM (Organize Me) II: Bedroom and Schedules

Took most of the damn day but the bedroom (which is mostly MY stuff) looks a little better. Thank goodness for music and This American Life broadcasts from the internet. (Shabbos is coming. No time to create link!)

I've also made a schedule of things I NEED to do each week on certain days like "Plan reading lessons for next week" and "sweep floor." It's on the fridge. And am timing myself when I cook so I can list the most efficient meals on another schedule.

Yeah, I'm having fun with this short Thanksgiving break.

Happy Blogday to me!

I'm writing this at 9 PM on November 20th. In 3 hours Brainsite will hit its first birthday. Happy blogday to it, happy blogday to it.

In the interest of OM (Organize Me) I'm not going to write any further about this but will, instead, get to bed.

Just be aware I'm tweaking the time clock on this blog entry a little to see if I can make this just show up on the Blogday itself. I will be working from 8 AM to 10 PM (conferences) so won't have time for any more gratification on the real day.

(Yeah, I know... I wrote more anyway. More proof at my organizational difficulties.)

OM (Organize Me): Part 1

The past weeks have been trying (obviously... if you've been reading my entires) though I haven't put so many details here. A major component of everything (including the more personal crisis) has been adjusting to my new work situation. The school in which I work is private and has a reputation to guard. As a result, my walls are quite transparent to other teachers (including my assistant/coteacher), the principal and others always in and out, seeing everything I do. In addition, the principal expects us to turn in lesson plans weekly and gives feedback. All of this forces me to see my weaknesses glaring at all times, and makes me feel like a first year teacher.

There is good and bad to that, of course. I feel insecure much of the time, but I also have the opportunity to grow from this. My victorious survivor spirit is, unfortunately, working against me most of the time, causing me to feel resentment at having to work so hard and want to defend myself against it at all costs. But if I can submit my ego to all of the very correct criticism (both positive and negative) that I receive, I just might become a much much better teacher and maybe a better everyday person too. It's not as though any of the criticisms are new to me or unjustified. I just have to improve upon them right away. (It's not easy to know I'm about to publish this, by the way.)

I've decided that the first step towards all of this is to become more organized. If I can minimize the crazy paper flow and know when during the week I'm doing each task etc., I just might have time some times to cook dinner and sweep the floor too in addition to thinking more carefully about how to plan a good guided reading lesson.

The organization will take all different forms, from getting papers in the right place to watching how I protect and nurture my body, mind and spirit, and I want to document it all here because:

1. It will make me more conscious of what I'm doing.
2. I've been blogging pretty obsessively lately and it feels like it's good for me.
3. Others might benefit.
4. I really miss friends right now and feel often like I'm presenting myself to the rest of the world as a complete unfinished product. People are more of a process than a product, changing and shifting all the time, and I feel safe enough to show that growth here on Brainsite.

Some things to watch for in upcoming entries (assuming I stick to the plan):

A plan to document time spent on actual school work. (I won't do this until after Thanksgiving.)
A weekly schedule of what I should do each day.
Menu planning for the week... I hope I hope I hope.
Paper organization.
How I fit in yoga and meditation and what I do with it.

Etc.

Hope you like it.

Incidentally, in the last entry I got a book suggestion. My dad sent me one too called "How To Be Organized In Spite Of Yourself." Both sound great, but one thing I'm going to do is just dive in instead of waiting for a book to arrive, then having to read the book, before I get started on things I think I at least partly already know.