Camping Trip 2010: Lake Waramaug

I love that when I tell people now that I've returned from my camping trip, all my friends seem to remember we do this annually. This was year 5, I think. 2006, the year I was pregnant, was our first trip. And as always, it was me, ND and Emarcy.

Our routine has developed so that every other year we go to our favorite site North-South Lake. I've written about it elsewhere on my blog if you search under "camping." Whenever we go there I feel so happy, so eager to be relaxed and at peace. The truth is, sometimes almost too much, I suppose. There's a lot at stake in these trips for me, my last serenity experiment before I'm back into a new school year that could turn into almost anything. Our first camping trip was after an especially hard year, and I was nervous about what was coming. Now I'm getting more into a routine, both with the school years and with the trips, but it's still scary, this last brink between the summer I wished for for so long, and the busy balancing act that characterizes the bulk of my time every year.

As noted above, every other year we go to North-South Lake, but on the off-years, we try new places. This was our second shot in Connecticut. The first was a bit disappointing. There were far too many people and the beach was really busy and more like a day beach than a secluded campground. This year we went further inland to Lake Waramaug. It too was more populated than I wished and felt less like we were deep in the woods. The enormous lake had houses all around it. We chose the place after I did a search to find out where we could rent canoes. What we didn't know is that they won't allow children under 4 (ie. ND) to ride in one. So our hope to rent a canoe for the whole day and get away from the site a little failed.

I grumbled quite a bit, but once we got past those two issues, ND had a fabulous time and I enjoyed helping her have it. She has been experimenting more and more with water lately, though still quite nervous with it. We played on the beach, both in the water and sand(/dirt) as much as we could. We also just enjoyed things like learning how to set up a tent and how to make food, jumping off of rocks that lined the paths in the campground etc.

We also did something we normally avoid which is to drive around the area a little. We had to the first night just to get phone reception and found a gorgeous view.

We also tried going to a hiking trail, but it was so hot and we were tired, so we just went a little ways.

At night we played music together... Emarcy played her sanshin, I played my flute and ND tried to drum a little but then needed a break.

She, I mean, her doll, was a little afraid of the dark, but we sang together in the night to help with that too.

This was a good trip. I find that the more regular it becomes, the more I have ND to provide a lens, the less I need from it.

Less grasping for goodness. Looking forward to keeping this up.

Last trip!

Last week I went to Niagara Falls with U. Now I'm off to go CAMPING with one of my best friends. We went to college together and she now lives in MA. When I moved out to NJ she said, "Now that we live on the same side of the country, let's try to go camping every summer."

We said that before I was pregnant. Naturally, everyone keeps telling me I'm crazy to go out there now. They seem to be worried I'll be uncomfortable. But my love of dirt and woods makes up for it. I'm absolutely thrilled. My only concern is whether I'll be able to sit comfortably. We're each bringing a folding chair for me to see which will be the best. Having this Yaris means I can load as much junk as I want into the back. Generally I like to at least try to go minimal on trips, but I don't mind WAY overdoing it this time.

So already the question is on my mind... will I be able to take a baby to do this next year? I would absolutely love to. I have camped with a baby before, though the family it belonged to was much more experienced at camping.

Truthfully, since U. and I have been together I've wondered wistfully if when we had kids would be able to take them camping, simply because I don't feel safe going alone and U. is not interested at all. But that's what friends are for, and now I'm proving it can be done!

Israel 2015, part 3 -- Ein Gedi

Tuesday was, for better or worse, another very long afternoon of driving. Along the way we made a quick stop in the neighborhood where U.’s mother had been raised and found a couple of family landmarks. However, time was short and we had to keep moving. The last hour or so of our drive came during a beautiful sunset, but then we had to drive on narrows roads around hills in a black night. We couldn’t even see The Dead Sea on our left because buildings or street lights of any kind were few and far between.

At last we arrived at a hostel which, honestly, was not the friendliest place we had ever stayed, but we were relieved to have two whole nights in the place. In addition, we were grateful to find a full buffet dining hall awaiting us. 

While in the dining hall we spotted an interesting group sitting at another table. There were two women. One had dark hair like mine and a little girl with curly hair. The second woman had long red hair, a young daughter and a baby boy in a high chair. The group reminded ND and me both of ourselves and our camping friend emarcy who has a little girl and was (at the time of this encounter) very very pregnant. The group we saw was disheveled too, so like us when we go camping each summer.

We emailed emarcy about the little party and she responded that we very well may have seen our camping “doubles.” We couldn’t know for sure yet as they had not yet learned the gender of the baby, but we might know very soon because her contractions seemed to be starting!

Read more »

Routines

There are a lot of landmarks looming for me right now. Next June I turn 40. I'm just about to start teaching for my 11th year at the same school which means I've lived here for 10 years, taught here for 10 years and now gone camping for the 10th year in a row.

I remember how I felt at the end of my annual camping trip after the very first year. Pure terror filled me as I'd had a rough beginning at the new job and have always tended to be anxious. I felt nauseous and doomed. Teaching has always been anxiety-producing. At other times in my career it has manifested as keeping candles oriented in a particular way during yoga to help me see how close to Shabbat I was. At other times I remember being afraid to get out of bed until I could just remember the face of a child from my class instead of feeling I was drowning in the sea of things I needed to do and could not seem to do well enough.

It has been a habit for me to cling desperately to things that make me feel safe... visits home to Portland, hoarding of special items I'd buy there, weekends, precious moments in nature.

I've been through the cycle so many times now, it's no longer a big deal. When I went on my souvenir hunts this summer, I still loaded up, but not as much, and wondered what things at home I could get rid of at the same time.

How is this possible?

For one, I've become a better teacher.

For another, I have an easier position now than I used to.

Refuge seems to always be accessible now even if it takes a deliberate breath or step away from a difficult situation, but I've so many times gone through days that just weren't as bad as I thought, that I feel fine more often now.

As I began to reflect on this I wondered if age has brought a dulling of my feelings. I'm feeling less anxious. Does that mean less happy too? Now... it just means feeling a little lighter. Happiness is less desperate, but it's certainly there.

Don't get me wrong. I wouldn't mind if I were still camping right now. However, when I show up on Tuesday next week, it will feel familiar and I don't have to think a lot about it right now.

Camping 2008!

When I moved out here I made a commitment with my friend, Emarcy, to go camping every summer. We did it the year I was pregnant with ND and we did it a year ago, so of course we did it again this year!

Sadly, due to many complicated circumstances, it was a very quick trip and not in the best place we've gone so far. Just one night and it was in Connecticut, a fairly crowded place with a big well-populated beach instead of quiet isolated campsites and a peaceful lake with canoes.

Still, we had a lot of fun and I loved seeing my friend. We played on the beach most of the time and ND was even brave enough to be carried into the water on my hip until the water reached HER hip. She was not happy, though, when she saw Emarcy go under the water or go off to swim. It really scared her and she shook her head back and forth. In time I guess she'll understand that that's how people swim and that it's OK.


One reason the trip was short is that Emarcy's very busy preparing to go to Japan to do Taiko drumming! So she brought along her practice drum and we played a little right before we all had to leave. So much fun. I'm already looking forward to next year.

(No, the videos still don't have sound... it's not your computer's fault.)

End of August

 My former writing group invited me back for an August Write-A-Thon. Write something every day. I'm sharing this one here:

End of August

Yesterday I saw an airplane, the kind of airplane I usually would have boarded by now to visit my parents across the country. 

Tonight I went for a walk on my street, the same neighborhood I’ve walked almost every day for the past six months. I heard crickets, the same kind of cricket sounds I usually hear by now when we meet up with my college roommate from out of state and go camping, a camping trip we promised ourselves annually as soon as I moved to the east.

Just now I had a hug, a hug I’m grateful for, from my husband, the only person allotted to giving them to me right now. 

Unfinished Business

Now that it's a weekday and I'm no longer sick, I'm feeling much more productive (although if I was working, this would be considered a very lazy day).

I wanted to post pictures a long time ago after my Fabulous Camping Trip. A few weeks ago emarcy sent me two CDs, one with photos from all of our trips visiting each other since college, including the trip she made to see me during my second to last round of chemo back in 2003. The second CD even had video footage!

So here I'd like to show you a photo of me looking up at a bunch of rocks which I should not have hiked up and back while pregnant, but which I did. Typical me, I have to admit. This was my future baby's first camping trip.



And here is later that same day, before I'd completely exhausted myself. We went canoeing and my friend enjoyed taking pictures of carniverous plants called "pitcher plants."



Finally, during our last morning, we insisted one last short hike together despite the fact that we were completely soaked through with rain. (I'm wearing several layers here and all of them are wet, regardless of the rain gear.)

Camping Trip 2007

Sorry I've been so on-hiatus-ish. Although I guess you're thinking... "Phew! Less blog to read!" (I, for one, admit to almost never reading blogs these days. I place priorities on those belonging to friends.)

Last week Wednesday through Thursday, ND and I went camping with Emarcy again like last year. Same place, but now with the baby OUTSIDE the belly.

In that post from last year, alissa asked if the future baby would sit quietly while I meditated. Well, we didn't try that. Sitting on precarious rocks is probably not the best place to experiment with letting go of baby. But we did sit together in the morning and look at the ducks.

It felt more rushed this year because everything takes more time with a baby, but I think the trip overall was even better than last year. We didn't go on any big hikes so I didn't end up napping to get rid of a headache. Instead we spent all of Thursday at the lake. First we canoed, than sat in the water on the beach. Emarcy and I took turns swimming a little too. She swam a lot actually. She loves swimming. I swam a little (yes, while wearing all those clothes with the swimsuit underneath... modesty...). My only regret about the trip was that I didn't swim more, and the reason for that is that I got worried about leaving ND with Emarcy. Don't know what I was worried about. That they'd get bored without me? They were clearly having plenty of fun just sitting on a beach blanket together, but what are you going to do?



Also, it didn't rain. What a difference it makes when it doesn't rain. (Look at the last photo on that post.
rain.

End Of The Summer, Beginning Of The New Year

Wow wow wow and wow! What a great summer it has been and what a great year I hope it's going to be. I've too much to tell and will have to condense.


Trips
I've already written about my trip to Las Vegas/Grand Canyon West/Hoover Dam. This year ND and I also made it to Portland. We saw few friends this year, only carving time really for family. We were there for a week and almost a half.

 We arrived on a Sunday and jumped right into the first week in which ND went to Portland Zoo Day Camp. It wasn't the easiest transition, coming off a plane one day and the very next day dropping her off in a new place, but she really enjoyed it ultimately and still talks about everything she learned. One highlight was petting a walking stick (insect). This gave Mom and me a few hours each morning to have adult-time only. Then in the afternoon the three of us could enjoy time together or gave the two of them time together while I took care of my Portland checklist -- seeing a few people, visiting Powell's, walking an old favorite forest trail etc.
On the second week, just a few days, we crammed in LOTS (too much) of special stuff. We did the Bridge Pedal, with ND on a trail-a-bike with me, my Dad riding with us and my Mom doing the Bridge Stride with a friend. We visited Seaside all together which was frigid and cold in a way that only the Oregon Beach can be when the rest of the valley is suffering a 95-100 degree heat wave. We made a pilgrimage to the Enchanted Forest which I'm struggling to finish writing about -- a task I've been trying to get just right for nearly 10 years, but that's a story for another time.

It was hard to say goodbye.

Not long after that trip we did our annual camping trip with Emarcy, this time with her almost one year old baby, at Wells State Park in MA. It was a decent campground, better than I expected in some ways. They didn't have boat rentals but we could swim and it was a very quiet area. Most new places we've visited (as opposed to our favorite place in Haines Falls where we visit on alternate years) have disappointed us by being just a big clearing with way too many people and too much noise. Here the woods were thick and people were respectful. In fact, one of the things I always look forward to in a camping trip is during that necessary middle-of-the-night bathroom trip, the chance to look up and see the stars. In this case the canopy was too thick to allow for that. So I didn't get to look for constellations, but I could at least enjoy where we were.

Once again, it was hard to say goodbye.

On the way home we would have loved to stop at Old Sturbridge Village. I had really been looking forward to that, but it's clear you need to allow at least half a day for it, and we had a three hour drive ahead after leaving our campground at 12:30. Instead we stopped at Dinosaur State Park. It's another place where you could spend a very big portion of the day, but just to go into the museum and see the dinosaur footprints you could do in about 20 minutes and WOW was I glad we did. I've never cared much about dinosaurs, but seeing those tracks... those many many tracks that actually show paths these creatures walked was mind-blowing. ND was interested for sure, but I was stunned by the experience. History is cool, but prehistory... unfathomable.

The footprints at Dinosaur State Park

It was a long drive home afterwards still, though, and we had to keep moving. Didn't get home until 6:30 PM and we were both tired and very sad to have had to say so many goodbyes throughout the summer. I'm looking forward to us getting back into a routine with our local friends so the distance from all these other friends and family doesn't hurt so much.

Health 
I wrote previously about trying a new limited meat eating experiment. That's going pretty well although I've eaten it more times than I'd planned so far... I'm up to about 8 times which means I only get meat 17 more times this year and I have to make sure I leave enough times for Pesach. I've had a few disappointments... like when I ate it just to be polite or because I thought I really wanted it and then discovered it wasn't so good. Other times have been special like the barbecued free range hamburger I had last week at a sheva brachot for a friend of a friend. I'm trying to learn from each experience and am wondering whether I want to become an herbivore again ultimately. I don't like when people say, "but it's ok to eat meat because the Torah says so" and then gorge on too much in an unconscious way. What I'd like to say is, "I feel I'm too disconnected from the experience of taking away this animal's life so I can eat meat to really appreciate the experience the way I should." But I think that the Torah allows it makes for a space of allowing conscious moderation. In some ways I think that limiting consumption of something has a greater impact than eliminating the consumption. As another example, I do my best to purchase free range eggs. If I were to choose not to purchase eggs at all, I couldn't have the consumer power of voting with my money on what kinds of eggs are best to get. As I DO continue to eat meat currently, but in limited quantities, I reflect on the process.

Shortly after I wrote that post about the experiment, I decided to read Crazy Sexy Diet. It was an intense and difficult read for me as I didn't like her writing style but learned a lot about food about our bodies. I had to sift through a little to determine when she was writing about health, when she was writing about her personal lifestyle choices, and when she was proposing things I already had covered in my life in other ways. For example, she spoke often about the importance of meditation, but I already have the meditation/yoga/prayer area of my life covered in my own way without having to follow her practice. Also, she's an adamant ethical vegetarian (along with being vegan), but I'm already doing the above-mentioned experiment and working with Torah to determine the ethics of what I'm doing. I had to sift through to see what I wanted to try and what not.

In the end, I bought a juicer which I try to use almost daily, and I tried her 3-week cleanse with a few modifications. It was too hard to do total vegan AND gluten-free, so during those weeks I did eliminate sugar, alcohol, meat, dairy and gluten, but I allowed fish and eggs into my diet. I chose to do this during the Three Weeks leading up to Tisha B'Av which contained religious fasts, but I didn't do the juice fasts she recommended. I kind of hoped I'd feel completely healthy every single day of the cleanse. I didn't. I had days with headaches, days where I was tired, even a minor cold, much like I do during most of my life already. I also suffered somewhat for not getting my usually yogurt acidophilous and had to remember to take supplements. But I liked how conscious I felt about how and what I was eating. I do think I had a little more energy. I felt I had an invisible fence that prevented me from just stuffing things in my mouth and when I started eating all my favorite cheese, bread and sugar again after the three weeks, I felt a little yucky. So rather than change my lifestyle permanently, I want to use this cleanse idea as a reset button now and then. I've already scheduled it into my calendar to do after times when I tend to over-indulge or eat poorly -- after Sukkot, after Channukah, after Pesach, and then again next year during the 3 weeks. I might modify how I do the cleanse each time such as by eliminating fewer things but for longer. Already that equals 12 weeks or more of the year, a nice way to inspire conscious healthy eating. Oh, and did I mention I lost weight? I didn't mean to. I wasn't worried about weight. But it was within a healthy zone and I was happy about it.

Writing
I had hoped this summer to spend 40 hours with writing (drafting, editing, revising and marketing). The thinking is that if I were a full-time writer, this would equal just one week of work. I've tried this goal before, maybe only last summer, but still I didn't make it. 20.5 was what I got. But when I think about how I spent both my writing and non-writing time (I cleaned house a LOT in places that needed it), I think I did the very best I could. Better yet, I felt I had a writer's mindset, making notes, thinking about my reading in active ways and so on. I've sent out a lot of work for publication and had a poem accepted that I sent out last winter, so I'm in good shape. Incidentally, the time I spend on all that has taken away from this blog...

Reading
Didn't read quite as much as I might have liked, but it's ok. The main thing about reading is that I brought home a rather large pile of books from Powell's and New Renaissance and now have a second experiment in the works of seeing if I can actually read more of the books I have in my house before purchasing or even borrowing more stuff. The main things I did read were 1. A Spot Of Bother -- I'm a little surprised by some of the reviews I see at this site. In short, I found the book touching, funny, but a bit too silly and sudden of an ending. I thought that if ever I take on writing a novel (which I'm thinking about for the first time in my life) I might want to use some of the conventions he did. 2. I also finished reading something I've been working through since last Sukkot when U. asked me if I have a very quote from literature and I started sentimentalizing about a section from Virginia Woolf's The Waves. This is my second read-through and it is certainly not an easy book to read, but it is one of the most beautiful I've read in my life. The poetry inspires me and I feel trance-like when reading it. Now one of the many books I'm working through is Woolf's Writer's Diary as edited by Leonard Woolf. I don't think I would have liked hanging out with Virginia Woolf in person during her life, but I'm thoroughly captivated by her anyway.

Mindset
These past few weeks I've felt calm, patient, surrendering to whatever comes without too much worry about if it's all going exactly the way I want. Wouldn't it be great if I could maintain that?

What's Coming
Much of WHY I have a good mindset right now has to do with my expectations for this year. I haven't announced it here yet, but I've had a change in position at my school. As you remember, I taught 2nd grade for 6 solid years. My last year there was strong and successful but I wanted a change. I switched to 1st grade. Without going into any detail about that, it was a hard year. What I really wanted was something that would allow me to focus more intensely on a few important aspects of teaching and relating to kids instead of spreading myself so thin between the million factors that we have to think of all at once as classroom teachers.

So this year I'm a "support" teacher which is sort of like being a "resource room" teacher as some people call it. I'll be assisting the teachers, modifying for students, meeting with small groups of kids and so on. I know I'll have some very busy hours later on, but right now I don't have to set up a major room, I can be the calm presence helping the teachers who are scrambling. When school starts I can respond to problems as they arise among the kids rather than planning and then figuring out how to change my plans on a dime when those problems arise. Best of all, I already know over half the kids because I was in their grade last year either teaching them directly or knowing them in the other room.

So I'm in a really good place right now and am open to what comes.

Fabulous camping trip!

Just got back from the wonderful camping trip to North-South Lake. I have so much to say but will hopefully be inspired to write most of it after my friend who I camped with sends me photos and videos from our trip.

But briefly, it poured rain as we drove up (I from NJ, she from MA) on Sunday. Cleared up just in time for us to put up the tent. Monday was magnificent weather-wise. We hiked in the morning and canoed in the afternoon... yes, even with me pregnant. Tuesday morning we got soaked to the skin but still went hiking again. In the AM I woke up when it was just drizzling and foggy and took my yoga mat to the lake. The mist was so thick I could barely see in front of me and I had this wonderful idea that I might watch the fog gently lift just as I meditated my mind clear for the day too. In fact I just got rained on, but had the delightful image of opening my eyes from a deep thinking and seeing a family of ducks travelling by in the water.

We talked a lot during the trip about how it may be next year with an additional little person with us. I'm so excited that this may be possible.

As I said in a previous post, a lot of people said to me before the trip, "I just hope you won't be uncomfortable!"

My response to that now is that, truthfully, real life is generally more uncomfortable to me than sleeping in a tent on the ground.

I was so happy this whole trip. I often forget just what a great friend I have out in MA (I'll call her Emarcy here, a code name). I forget in my everyday worries and occasional loneliness, that I have this friend who I trust completely and with whom I feel so safe and relaxed and in love with the world.

Even though the trip was short, I feel I have enthusiasm and clarity to take me into the work of the year that I restart tomorrow with a full day of meetings and setting up my classroom. It was hard to leave the woods and my friend, but I'm energized now.

Summer Summary

This is it.

The rains are here. School starts on Thursday for me. Summer is over.

In June I posted about my annual worries and goals, and now I want to write about them.

1. I said I wanted to write. I wrote. Not as much as I would liked, but:

-I logged 26 hours of daytime writing work. This included the incredible workshop I posted about previously.

-I've also begun doing just a little more reading and writing every night before bed, so that's even more important.

-I submitted work to 4 places (I think... maybe more).

-I printed out a lot of my work into binders making it easier for me to look at where I've come from and where I'm going writing-wise.

2. I wrote about spending real time with ND. We did it. Some afternoons together were too long, but we went on outings to Abma's Farm, Van Saun Park, The Children's Museum, swimming lessons and a lot more. There were also our special trips to MA, Chautauqua and camping. I've relearned yet again that focused time is harder to do but more fruitful than multitasking.

3. I've rooted myself some more... spending time with friends, exercising, becoming comfortable here even after some rebellious weeks when I wanted to move NOW. Trying to appreciate what HERE has to offer instead of wondering so much about THERE. I want to stay informed, visit other places as possible, but there are no immediate plans to change or move.

4. Lots of work on and around the house, yearly shopping etc. too.

I'm anxious about the new year, never sure what it's going to bring. Sad to give up my days and to have so much work ahead. But I'm always open to a challenge. I hope this is a good year for me. I hope it is for ND too. I hope it is for us all as a family.

Shanah tovah.

Camping Trip 2009

Wonderful trip this year.

Click above to see the narrated slide show. (I couldn't help that the videos are not in quite the right order.)

Summer Summary 2011 - Cancun, Haines Falls, Portland, Alaska

What a fabulous summer this has been. Unbelievable.

Things I accomplished around the house: cleaning out a few rooms (no, not as many as I thought, but more than if I had done none), finally clearing plastic flowers from flower boxes left here by previous owners, lots of time with ND etc.

Things I accomplished in writing: Had hoped to write for 40 hours, but got to about 32, not counting whatever I might squeeze in in the next few days. Sent out over a dozen pieces of writing. To date have received 2 rejections of a story and 4 poetry rejections, but accompanied with one acceptance to The Aurorean. (Fall/winter issue... maybe I'll post a link for that if it becomes available later.)

Then there are the trips.

I already wrote a plethora about Mexico. See previous posts labeled "Second Honeymoon" beginning with "We Actually Did It!"

Then there was the camping trip with emarcy with whom we've gone every year since I was pregnant with ND in 2006.

After that I had a few weeks of home to finish some things up and get ready for Portland. In Portland I visited a few friends... strange because there are fewer of them I want to see, less to talk about, etc., but I still feel so refreshed after returning to my roots.

In Portland (click on "Portland" for pics) we hit The Enchanted Forest (incidentally, I've been trying for over a decade to figure out how to write about my obsession with this place and now, as a mom, I think I finally know my hook. We also did The Oregon Zoo and Seaside. (You Jersey shore people know nothing of beach beauty. Nothing. Please forgive my arrogance on this, but it's too entirely different worlds.)

The second week of our Portland trip, ND attended Tryon Creek Day Camp.

Then... off on Alaskan cruise!!!!

Here are my parents' pics.

Here are ours.

We were together for nearly everything, except in Juneau. There my parents and ND went to a nature center at the bottom of the Mendenhall Glacier. U. and I took a helicopter ride to the top where we hiked with crampons. Probably the coolest thing I've ever done in my life.

Now we're back and I have just a few days left to scramble together doing things like unpacking and blogging about the summer. Then onto a new year with new students, new fulfillment and an occasional glance both backwards and forwards at summers.

(8/29/11) Please note I've just added an addendum with one more event at this blog post.)

Our First Sukkah

So here it is: our first Sukkah.


Beautiful, ain't it? These pictures were taken before the adult table was put in, but otherwise it looks pretty much like this even as I type.

Our house has a deck that was already constructed as a Sukkah. Our rabbi even said the railing around it qualified as Kosher walls, but we wanted big walls anyway.

U. bought and installed tarps.

I chopped and hauled bamboo from a trench behind our house.

ND did sponge painting with some sponges I cut in the shape of lulav and etrog. We also put leaves between pieces of clear contact paper. Here she is showing it off with our neighbor:

I absolutely love that with this holiday we each got to do something we really do best. I don't think there's another holiday that deal with in quite this way.


I really wanted to sleep outside if for no other reason than to show it could be done. After all, the weather was gorgeous the first few nights.

However:
1. ND and I still sleep together and I, while I'm used to camping with her, I'm not used to being outside of a tent and outdoors with her and with no one. I didn't know if it would be safe to leave her while I go in to use the bathroom or what-have-you. (When we camp, our friend is in the tent with us so it's safer. And no, U. is never going to sleep outside!

2. I'm still fighting a little imperfect health. I've come to the conclusion that I'm really supposed to be treating my body with more respect, so I felt that giving up the chance to be outdoors was one expression of this.

3. On the very first night we left our table for a moment to go Sukkah hop at our neighbor's house. I popped back to make sure our Yom Tov candles were safe just in time to find a raccoon on the table eating our challah!!!

I'm a huge animal lover, but not of raccoons eating my challah. Thankfully we'd put the rest of the food away.

We sat down to bentsch and all of a sudden ND stared at the wall of the sukkah. I couldn't see why until a minute later it poked its head back in. I ran after it, shouting to scare it away, but scared poor ND much more. We bentsched fast and went inside.

So it goes. Maybe next year we'll figure out a better way to keep the critters out.

Silver Maybe?

If there was an olympic competition for unique breastfeeding situations, I would want to enter it. I know I wouldn't have a chance at the gold. That's for people with multiple children nursing. I thought I had a shot at it when we were camping and I managed to nurse ND while we were both in our life jackets. But today was even more impressive. I had an acupuncture appointment. I've never done that before and, because it was kind of a last minute thing, could not leave ND anywhere. She was fine for about 3 minutes and then started to desperately need me. The office staff tried to take her to another area so I could finish, although I knew it would never work, no matter how much I told them. I tried to just lie their quietly and be okay with her crying.

Finally, though, they brought her back to me and the poor thing kept reaching for me even though I was lying facedown and covered with little needles. I finally asked them to lie her on the table next to me and I managed to scootch over a little and nurse with her. She whimpered sadly for awhile and even tried to talk and tell me how sad she'd been and how much she missed me, but mostly she just gulped away. It was very sweet. I couldn't help but feel proud that only I could give her what she wanted, and that I could even under those awkward circumstances.

Horizons

It's here! My copy of Horizons just arrived with my first-ever article in print, a reprint of It's Shabbat as they chose to title it in their issue. Kind of cool to stroke the ego a little.

Speaking of the ego, I have to protect it a little too sometimes. One of the things that came to me on the camping trip was a new tool I want to try using to help me this year. I have two envelopes taped to my desk. The one on the left says "Useful - even if difficult - criticism to help me grow." Below it I drew a flower. On the right is an envelope that says "Other people's baggage - nothing to do with me." There I drew a lion in a cage. I'm not sure why I chose that. I think it represents the way the words people say sometimes coop themselves up inside me and go around and around and around. Already someone said something obnoxious today. I've decided it can go in the envelope in the right. Hopefully that will help me forget about it.



I have a completely different energy now with the school year really getting going. I feel like I don't want to stop working until I pass out. I know that I need to take some deep breaths and come back to myself - also eat dinner, take a short walk - or I'll start burning out in the first few weeks!

Outdoor Goodbye's

Today's obsession is saying goodbye to places I haven't even visited yet. I have not yet done Grouse. We only went to Whistler once and that was in the summer, and for just one night... only long enough for a long walk and a canoe ride.

There's a retreat a couple of Shabboses from now, but I think it's just too much to plan and I don't know if I'm up for it. I'm trying to tell myself that when I get to NY, I'll meet up with my best friend in MA and we'll go camping there and that will be a million times better because I'll be with her.

But I'm still choked up.

Went to Van Dusen Gardens with my husband yesterday. I love those gardens and have spent a lot of time there. I doubt I'll ever find another place like that elsewhere, but I also haven't found what was in Portland again either. You lose places. You gain places. And it hurts. Look back at Leaf Blowing. Love relationships with places fade, just like sometimes friendships do.

Then again, some friendships don't. Like the one with my friend in MA.

I feel like I'm being tugged in two directions.